Run: 1539 – St. Andrew’s Day Run
Hares: Kan Not Kan & all the Scots
Date: Friday, 25 November 2011
Run Report by Sly Dog
The run started at Lorong Sesuai. For this run, I learned a few new things: the forested areas of Butik Batok Park have a lot vines with thorns, when to call out “Looking!”, and why Kannot Kan is an a-hole and his runs are to be dreaded.
We set off and ran left of the Japanese World War II memorial down a stone pathway and stairs. Near the bottom, we found a T-check and headed back up. Handbag found the trail going into the shiggy and down the mountain. We followed him and slid down the mountain until we made it to the park clearing with a Gazebo and found a circle check.
Tommy and I ran straight into the park (hoping for a nice open run!) with most of the pack behind us. Handbag called on-on behind us and we ran back and up a stone pathway. The nice stone pathway ended quickly and we went straight into the shiggy. We struggled through the shiggy and made it into another park clearing. The trail to the right was blocked by a lake so we ran left and Handbag picked up the trail again and we went into some new shiggy.
All the recent rain had turned the clay into a slippery mess. And every time you slipped and tried to grab something, it turned out to have thorns! I slid out of the shiggy and speared my armpit on the freshly cut tree spikes at the bottom of the hill.
Just past the trees spikes, we found a circle check and a parking lot. The walkers, led by Phoney Dick, met us in the parking lot. They appeared to have been on a Sunday stroll having taken a much gentler route! On-on was called again and we headed into a different part of the forest.
We trudged along for quite some distance and headed down into a stream. Circle Jerk and company overran a red white ribbon T-check. Even in daylight, the red/white ribbon is hard to see in the jungle! I saw the T-check and called them back into the stream.
A large tree had fallen across the stream and Jack-off said she didn’t know how to mount the tree. It’s been a while since she had climbed on something hard!
Ayam Zinking offered to boost Jack-Off up and over the tree but ended up almost boosting Stash. Stash said “no” to this guy-on-guy action. DIY chimed in that the best part of gay sex is not being in it. Apparently, to DIY there’s a difference between watching and participating!
We finally broke out of the shiggy and came out to Hillview Ave where we found a circle check and a Short run arrow pointing right. Remembering Kannot Kan’s words at the start of the run that there might or might not be a long run at the circle check, a few of us ran left on Hillview Ave to look for the Long trail.
After a while, Tommy and I gave up thinking that this was all a trick and turned around to catch the Short trail. Luckily, Tommy crossed the street on the way back and he found the Long trail arrow directly across the street from the circle (fcuk!). I crossed the street and ran up into a neighborhood and then back into the jungle.
At this point, the whole pack was lost because of left over marks from a hash earlier that week and no other marks leading us out. People all around us were calling “Are you?” Since no one was responding I answered, “Checking!” Standing beside me, Shoe Shopper and Stash, pulled out their pocket Hash bibles and corrected me as I should have said “Looking!” We were not on a check, just lost!
Eventually, Kannot Kan found us milling about and to lead us to a stream. He pointed up to the steep bank on the opposite side which we climbed up (still could not see any marks!). Vibrator was trying to climb a sheer 6 foot embankment when Kannot Kan, still in the stream, said the trail was actually further upstream. At this point, this is when the hashers started to discuss his many a-hole qualities.
KK told us that he would catch up with us on the other side of the forest. Stash could be heard complaining loudly that it was way too late (about 6:45pm) to be entering this part of forest. When I remarked to Stash that he sure was whinging a lot, both he and DIY lectured me for the next 10 minutes on what’s it like to be lost in the jungle at night!
Unfortunately, Stash was right. We could barely see anything much less that red/white ribbon the hares used to mark the trail. For the next 25 minutes, we stumbled and tripped through the dark forest. Hashers were roundly cursing Kannot Kan, and I was told this was a normal run for KK!
We made it out of the forest at 7:15 pm and ran downhill to Hillview Ave. We found Shoe Shopper and the other FRB’s who led us up two dead end streets looking for trail. The experienced hares (the ones who actually knew where we were!) said “screw it” and ran up to Hillview Road which took us to Upper Bukit Timah Road.
We ran all the way down Upper Bukit Timah road where we met Saliva (a Scot by marriage!) handing out hash shirts from the back of a van. After picking up our shirts, we climbed the stone steps all the way back to Lorong Sensuai. As a medium-slow runner, it took me about 1 hour and 40 minutes to complete this 5 mile (8 km) trek.
Circle Report by Wankie Pooh
2nd Dec 2011 - Scot’s run of St Andrews Festival
The front of the pack was in very late – 7.50pm so the circle correspondingly started late (8.15). [Assistant Scribe: Hares – yours truly was very grateful of the short run]. Lots of noise about the T-shirt big sizing from the hares and one Scotsman’s wife – who will remain un-named but recognized as a truly authentic dour Scot – but I didn’t hear a single grumble from the pack – as per tradition – a great shirt once again!
Great Scotch Eggs, Great caramel shortbread – and happy Scots piping start and end of the run….you sure know how to lay it on…….
Hares were drawn in to the circle – hats and red hair all of them...Kannot Kan, Bagless, Bagless 2, Stiffy, Corney Linguist, Aye Aye, Dog Shit, BC, Saliva, Malfunction – to calls of too much Shiggy….. Technical Hash shit…. And with the very loud calling from a certain American hasher – it stuck... Not influenced at all by the great shirt, and totally influenced by who set the run!
Deep Throat called in all the Hares – since not one of them could explain - Why they celebrate St Andrew’s Day? Suggestions: 1. The guy who invented golf? 2. Good excuse for a piss up?
Handbag to Krit – who explained that his wife wore his last St Andrew’s T-shirt to sleep in – it was so big – great way to FU** the Scots!
Visitors and returnees – total of 6 - Including Sweet Thighs, BC and Dog Shit and three others
Hare Whip – Kannot Kan
Called in fellow hares – Dog Shit, Malfunction and Bagless – considering they were co-hares… did any of them go out to sweep the trail? NONE – declared the Meanest…..
Called Bagless2 who volunteered his services to help – but in the end couldn’t come…..
Called in Corny Linguist who kindly came reccing – but couldn’t find his own trail this evening!
Innocent Bystanders – Cubic Caveman and Shoe Shopper – who were both at the Sunday Hash that followed precisely the same route – and GOT LOST….!
Hare Whip 2: Corny Linguist to Slack Arse – for the reinterpretation of the word RUN, when in fact he was seen to be skiing, high diving and bog snorkeling…..
Hare Whip 3: Aye Aye – introduced the “Jimmy Hat” – Jimmy referring a certain social level in the back streets of certain Scottish towns…. A certain hare wore his Jimmy Hat to the Kampong Run and the next morning couldn’t see very well. Thought he had dropped his glasses at the hash site – dashed over there in his car…. It was only when he called his wife in despair that the daft bugger was told they were still in the “HOOSE” – in his Jimmy Hat – to Dog Shit
Pause to ogle the fit young, panting fitness team to the left…………..Phew!
Prick of the Week – suitably dangling – STFU decided to teach a few slang Scottish words….
“Numpty” – means idiot – this candidate ALLOWED Kannot Kan to set the run on his own!
“Glaykit” – means stupid – was sweeping in front of the pack…..
“Vampot” means doesn’t even wash – bringing every Scot into a bad name… Corny Linguist
Mystery Whip1 – Shoe Shopper
To Twin Towers (her twin blonde)…. Sorry Shoe Shopper, I didn’t catch a word of what you said – something to do with ferreting in the back of the car and having a hatchback.
To Opens to the Floor – who is leaving and has a reputation for not finding her way….. six times has asked Handbag the address for Shoe Shopper…. And was actually staying at Handbag’s apartment for 10 days… and still had to text Shoe Shopper for his address……hopeless!
To Cock Radio – she was driving along playing his iPod music list from his wedding a few weeks ago… when her daughter said – how inappropriate the music was….
“I wish they could all be California girls….
Band On the Run “ If I ever get out of here…….Stuck inside these 4 walls”
“With or Without you…”
“Every breath you take… “the song of a stalker!
Green Day “Good Riddance…..”
UB40 “There’s a rat in my Kitchen...”
“Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away……”
Mystery Whip 2 – Eleven
How women react to babies – Sweet Thighs – dashed over and hugged Natalie for hours – husband, Ditch, saw her from a distance and whispered under his breath “No! We really are not having a fourth!...”
Saliva – needs a hearing aid. Walked into the room where she was sleeping and picked up the guitar and started playing – woke the baby up! Agh! And was very disappointed to see that she was fed by bottle and then insisted that the baby should be able to hold the bottle herself…. She is only 5 months… for being the fiercest, meanest, auntie.
Coo Chi Coo for being disappointed at not being able to view natural breast feeding…
Deep Throat confessed a problem of too many mystery whips this week!
Mystery Whip 3 – Circle Jerk – complaining that the women all want to be on top…..
Called in Kannot Kan for dragging all the Scots into an undeserved hash shit
Opens to the Floor – and Kannot Kan ….. when she saw him at the beginning of the run –was heard to say “OH shit look at him – I’m in trouble”….. and without long pants on – she WAS truly shredded on the briers
Handbag to the private party – more ogling of the briefly clad, flexing student boys…..Mother Mary, Suzie Wong, BC, Loose Change………..
Herr Zipp gave award to Coo Chi Coo for getting the hash newsletter quiz correct
Handbag to Cubic Caveman – given the “holy grail” – get to keep the Rookie Award under threat of death, he, Handbag will make sure it gets back to the hash……
Deep Throat to all women... attention not on the circle... (more distracted women..!)
Saliva complained that she didn’t get a beer to do a down down with – and insisted on having it…….
Handbag to Open to the Floor – for leaving.. to the usual anthem of “Fu** off you…
Sweet Thighs to two visitors…. Something to do with Handbag, was he Australian? American… she thought he was dignified and later found he was constantly drinking and talks with a slur…..!
Slocum to Bagless…rather nasty Bagless…and Saliva
Stiffy to Slack Arse – who was frantically asking for a first aid kit – thinking he needed a bandage or splints…. Actually he needed panadol for Suzie Wong’s headache…..!
In and Out – English a splendid language – a total of 24,000 words and we have many words that mean the same thing. Like young child…. Sprog….. Nipper….. so when he asked Eleven how her little Nipper was? He wasn’t meaning NIPPLES! – and no he is not Coo Chi Coo!
Herr Zipp - a chair was declared missing, Loose Change has a replacement to offer – Ayam Kampong!
Twin Towers – called in the GMs! - came into the circle with a “Santa Fe” bag… saying that the GMs had been phoning at all hours asking if they had retrieved it from the D&D…. even 5am in the morning!.... turns out it was a picture of them!
Closed circle at 9.15 On-on WP
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