This Week’s Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Peeking Ong

The ultimate irony – asking an incorrigible SCB to write a run report. Ha-ha! Then again, maybe there is method to this madness. This SCB, yours truly, used to actually run and have, over a couple of decades or so of hashing, intimate knowledge of a typical hash trail. So, my mission, having been assigned the task of scribing, was to do an easy trot around how I imagined the run went and try to come up with an accurate as can be run report that even the hares will wonder how this can be done. Telepathic hashing – I am about to do this by absolute guesswork based on what parts of the trail I did see.

The run started out the gates of the cemetery, turning a right into Lornie Road. It carried on over the pedestrian bridge which had many seasoned hashers holding back, expecting the inevitable T-check on the other side. Nada! Trail on! Over Lornie Road and right into Adam Drive, towards where a very young Circle Jerk used to play (he spent his childhood in one of those huge houses on a hill in Adam Drive).

After a bit of mucking about in Adam Drive, the trail cut across a bit of bush into Sime Road, straight back towards the run-site. Way too short, of course, so it was not to be. Left along Lornie Road, then left again into the MacRitchie trail along the water. The run continued basically parallel to Lornie Road, along the reservoir shore, until the mother of all arrows directed the pack on-right into the bush emerging onto Lornie Road proper.

Arrows pointed the way towards the overhead pedestrian bridge which led the pack into Andrew Road. Down Andrew Road (wave to the MediaCorp artistes) it went until it took a right turn into Jalan Mashhor. A short trot along Jalan Mashhor took the pack on-right back into some shiggy leading to a wooden bridge. It was a left turn at the bridge which took the pack into a path that eventually ended up back into familiar territory – the Bukit Brown cemetery loop.

Those who ran towards the beer truck were greeted by a T-check. By my reckoning, about 70% of the pack said “screw it”, ignored the T and went straight back to the beer truck. (Astronut, Stiff and Running Shit were among the first few in from that direction) The other 30% die-hard idiots hashers did an about-face from the T-check and found trail on-left leading back down towards the MRT works along Jalan Mashhor. Trail continued on-right at the base of the cemetery and emerged into old Lorong Halwa which eventually hit Kheam Hock Road, on-right and back home through the gates of the cemetery (I vaguely remember Stash being the first one in on-paper).

Good effort by the couple of young 40 year old birthday boys. So, how well did my guesswork go, Cherry Picker and Circle Jerk?

The Circle by: Wanky Pooh

Hare Whip: Cherry Picker – he set exactly this run previously, when only 4 members stayed on trail for more than 2 minutes.  and got Hash Shit! So this time there were a couple of minor changes made. The run site was changed from Adam Drive, we ran it clockwise and the short run was cut to avoid confusion

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Mad Chinaman was called for staying on trail the whole run.

Cheeks Out and Shoeshopper for finding the trail

Running Shit – for not griping this time!

Hare Whip 2: Circle Jerk:  He asked - what was the distance run? and pulled in all who were running with a GPS

Stiffy 4.7km, Cherry Picker 16.5km, Croc O Shit 4.7Miles... about 8 km or was it 72 litres?....

Twin Towers: To stay young.......when she popped up out of the undergrowth was asked “what is your secret...?” she said “I do it at least 5 times on the run......”

Cock Radio – congratulated the hares for making the circle twice as long as the last one.....

Mystery Whip: Slocum

Circle jerk – there is no way he could do it 5 times on the run. Eleven was struggling to get across the drain. Was invited to spread her legs – but she couldn’t....

Kan not Kan: asked - what is that? Looks like the biggest marijuana plant he has ever seen. It was actually bamboo.... So in Singapore if you were caught smoking rattan would you be beaten with a joint??

Mystery Mystery Whip – Stash (to calls of - well there won’t be any AOBs this week!)

Penile Extension and TBA – both didn’t follow the pack over the footbridge. Penile Extension, who has just joined the property market – for poor speculation. TBA was asked who was leading who? – The Blind leading the blind up a dark alley.....

Cherry Picker: they didn’t want to alert the Park Rangers so we headed up into the trees, with a very thin rope, over a drain and railing to the road, before getting to the park’s centre – then why did they use such a massive arrow on the path? – So he was publicly pissed on....

Dog Mount for her running style on the board walk – a 9/10 face plant as she tripped

Croc o’shit: For having his heart monitor (actually his GPS) a long way from his heart... – or was it a fart monitor?.... to calls of Who ate all the pies....

AOB

Croc O’shit called in the virgin runner. He dutifully kept an eye on her..... and tried to teach her the tricks of hashing... proper pacing, the metal game, don’t follow BOO.... but she wouldn’t listen and kept running at full throttle. “you’ll get burnt out with your Balls to the Wall” .... “ no” she said “it was Tits to the Wall”.....

Cock Radio – christened “Tits to the Wall”

Kan Not Kan called in Croc O’Shit and Who-ray – for taking care of the virgin – Who-ray offered a bucket of ice water to clean herself in – which she promptly did.... They’re the meanest.....

Wankie Pooh - called in G-String and Machine for requesting a back dated stamp of their cards from some weeks back. With a reminder that the Cards need to be pulled by YOU – or a friend! – There was a stampede for the cards by many veteran hashers.

Twin Towers called in Cherry Picker and Slocum - for passing gossip about Twin Towers and Comes Quietly. And CP – for being hopeful...

Ayam Zinking called Goody Bag and Reciprocunt - something about a CV and not knowing who was on the phone – and for not being satisfied by a vibrator

Stiff called in Croc O’Shit. It has been a bad time... what with aircraft crashing, his son being admitted to hospital with a $4000 bill... he needed to stretch his subs payment. CoS pulled him into Monday Hash’s circle for not paying Fridays Subs.... was this Friday’s business on Monday or Monday’s on Friday

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Pin Ball Wizard pulled in Cock Radio for short cutting (....clearly the ladies are all expecting you to break your balls on the hash CR!!)

Pussy Lifter called in visitor Great Balls. For seeing the big gash in his leg and wondering why PL was going back? – so much for sympathy and understanding! (Hope you managed to get it cleaned up and checked out.WP)

Cock radio – calling a good lawyer – technically is a squat a sit? Cock Tease and her short skirt were brought in for a down down while squatting – with calls of “sitting or shitting!”

Ayam Kampong called in Ditch – who wished his wife a 20 year wedding anniversary via Facebook...!

Circle finished at 8.45pm

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