Date: 11th December 2009
Hares: RecipriCunt & Pinball Wizard
Run-Site: Jalan Lam Sam
On On: Farmart Center
Numbers: Members: 48
Visitors: 5 (incl. 0 virgins)
The Run by our Mystery Run Reporter: Shut the Fuck Up & DIY
A keen group of Lion City Hashers congregated just along from the heavy vehicle park at Jalan Lam San, just off Bricklands Road for run 1434, the first non-rainy run in quite a few weeks.
The run started promptly at 6pm with us running parallel to the KJE. Any concern about this ugly bit of trail was thankfully soon put to rest as the run that evening took us into great hashing territory with not a car in sight. Despite Cheeks Out’s cries of being off paper while running alongside the expressway when we were actually on paper, we made it to the drain where calls of On On were drowned out, not by water but by the squelching of Camel’s holey trainers! A couple of hundred meters running and sliding up the drain got everyone’s trainers wet before we came out at a nice wide track.
Turning left and running up the hill, Tiger Lily and Shaggy Dick Two showed that running a marathon one week before was not going to slow them down. Seeing Peeking Ong and Knickerless, who were coming down the hill, the majority of the pack had already worked out that the FRBs were going to come to a T check…they did. Backtracking, we soon veered off into the jungle along a narrow trail before coming back out to another wide track. Up ahead, Machine was stopped and heard calling to the hashers behind to keep running. Convinced it was a T check, we all started walking. Seeing Cock Radio hiding in the bushes just confirmed this suspicion. It turns out that Ziggy and DIY had been racing along the path – shame on them! – when DIY went over on his ankle…or was he just struggling to keep up with the pace and feigning injury as his only way of saving face? This impromptu hash hold brought most of the pack back together. We continued along the trail before suddenly branching off into some more shiggy, which involved climbing over logs, which is no easy task for those hashers with petit legs such as Chicken Shit.
We then came to the long/short split, which was more like a flat/steep split. Coo Chi Coo seemed to forget he was running alongside Shut the Fuck Up in this last section as he divulged his favourite sex positions for reasons unbeknown to her. The steep longer run did a short extra loop which meant that most of the pack arrived at the beer truck at the same time.
Thanks hares, RecipriCunt and Pinball Wizard, for all of your work in making this a very enjoyable run.
The Circle by: Cheeks Out
Circle started at 19:50 – much earlier than usual but we were mostly in and showered by 7pm.
What did we think of the Run: Too many checks – Made me look fast (from Croc of Shit) finally our GM determines “good run”?? I think our GM has either forgotten what a run of less than 45 minutes is, or is changing the rules, or just being kind to the virgin hares!! Probably the latter.
Tell us about your On On: RecipriCunt points in a roughly north-western direction and says “over there” much help to all of us – 12.50 a head – brave man to break the 12$ ceiling – maybe about time though as the prices have been between $10 and $12 for the last 12 years!!
Next Week’s Run: Shoe Shopper and Wet Patch – somewhere around Telok Blangah Street?? And on on at Gilman Seafood – the traditional 12 dollars a table or was that a head?? Croc O’Shit
Virgins: Jack Off announces with poorly disguised disappointment “no virgins tonight”
Visitors: A bunch of them – welcome and thanks for running and drinking with us. (Shubpeet, Camel, Sex Change, Confused, Mr. McGlue)
New Members: None Croc O’Shit
Milestones: Jack Off calls in Cherry Picker for 100 runs “off off – on on” and the shirt is off and on with a short stripper/suggestive interlude.
Do we have a Hare Whip? RecipriCunt enters looking fresh and ready to charge:
First man in the circle: Peeking Ong and a Phoney Dick “look a like” enters Bully – must be the silver hair! Last week at the on on they approached the hares with a “you are laying next week’s run – Are you members of the hash?” So for “getting to know new members” give the two from the “old clique” a down down.
All hashers with green on their shirts – to support the Copenhagen Climate convention Singapore goes all out to be green this week – well done green hashers! (maybe taking the plastic cups home and washing and returning them would be better than green shirts)
The brave hare-whip then calls in his better half (Pinball Wizard) on some charge of not liking wet feet – hmm aren’t you supposed to put your coat down so she can cross dry-footed or something like that?
Mystery Whip: “AND NOW IT IS TIME FOR…” Ooops NO sorry we have one more hare whip:
Pinball Wizard is calling in all the marathon and half marathon runners for having tender areas – first a couple of pretenders enter the circle but they are soon spotted as imposters “BULLY and PEEKING ONG” no you DID not do the full or the half marathon – finally we have the real heroes in the circle:
DIY, Shaggy Dick Too, Wet Patch, Shoe Shopper, Cums Quietly, Tiger Lily look a like, Impossible, Penile Extension and a Stiff look alike and, was RecipriCunt in there too? Give the tender ones a note!
And NOW it is really time for the Mystery Whip: Chicken Shit points out our many flashers around the car park after a run in green white and lacking underwear mostly posing happily under streetlamps and such but then in a corner in the dark one person is struggling to get changed under a giant shawl/towel: “What are you doing Quickie?” “can’t have people see my good bits!” This is the hash no-one is looking: give the shy one a note!
Charge well delivered Chicken Shit exits (the scribe loves people, who have a few short and sharp charges). Croc O’Shit
So Now it is time for the…Mystery Mystery Whip: enters Steffen and calls in firstly a Yank:
Croc of Shit: The Oslo incident with president Obama given the Nobel peace prize in spite of sending 1000’s into war in Afghanistan and Iraq?? And giving a thank you speech defending war as necessary for peace?? And someone rightly pointed out who are the fools - Obama for accepting it or Norway for bestowing it? Anyway Croc of Shit for being American (good charge!) Give him a note!
Second call goes to DIY and Ziggy – DIY had a serious fall and injured himself out there today – why? This is the hash but these to young bulls got it wrong and were RACING out there – so drink it “down down down down..”
Lastly call in our grand master and mattress for being a little inhospitable – when you bring in the guests you are supposed to be a little sociable “who the f%^$ are you and where the f$#ck are you from” bring back in the guests (there were a few – welcome and thanks for running and drinking with us!)
G-M privilege: Cock Radio takes the floor: DIY come into the circle – for disregarding a sacred (yes believe me that is the word he used SACRED!) part of the hash – “attempting to pull as many other hashers into a T-check as possible” - was all confused tonight when Cock Radio came around the corner right after the FRB’s (how did you get up there one might ask?) and saw them on top of the hill bending over half hidden in the bushes and he thought “right a T-check – let me not labour on” – I will just dive in the bushes and let a few other hashers labour up the hill – but no it was NOT a T -check poor DIY was badly injured and other FRB’s were gathered around checking his health and well being. So for IMITATING A T-CHECK DIY! Give him a note… Croc O’Shit
First in is Coo Chi Coo
Yea yea yea we heard the charge about Oslo people giving the peace prize to Mr Obama – I say a better choice of black American would be Tiger Wood! We hear he’s been getting a “piece” a week.
Second was something about doing marathons after rubbing Vick ointment on your balls? Not a smart thing to do??? But then the man is blonde or was that silver-haired?
Third charge – were you whipping tonight? – Bringing in Shut the Fuck Up – when she came in tonight someone (me actually) asked “where is DIY?” and she looked mortified and immediately bolted back out looking for her man….. What were you thinking? Next our wives will be expecting us to go back out and look for them!! (don’t worry Coo Chi Coo – No Good has no such illusions left!)
Shoe Shopper (with Shaggy Dick Too to speak for her as she had a husky weak voice tonight): calling in Wet Patch, he has been away for a while and returns with a sore back? Ahhh – poor thing working too hard? No apparently playing golf?? Hmmm well we know what golfers get up to don’t we? Give the STIFF back a note.
DIY now jumps in the circle to pull Shoe Shopper back in “not so fast lady – you talk about what your man has been up to with his sore back … has he asked what you were up to with your husky voice and sore throat? So to calls of “you need something to suck on.” Shoe Shopper was told to drink it down down down down…
Fourth AOB (who’s counting? Well if you had to write it all up you would be counting too!) Croc O’Shit had noticed Aye Aye wearing a patch tonight who when asked why, retorted “my wife made me” – we all believe that! Anyhow Croc of Shit really wants to demonstrate three different ways of temperature taking: Croc O’Shit
1: Demonstrating this with Jack Off “turn around bend over..” yes dear we can imagine
2: Aye Aye: stick it in his ear
3 : Demonstrating a gun to the temple and looking pleased
So to re-cap: 1 Stick it in his ear, 2 Stick it to her 3 Put a gun to Boo’s temple
They’re all right - they’re all right (no high temperature for any of them)
Circle Jerk brings in Boo as a part time taxi driver (I have seen picture proof of the taxi sign on his car!!) and Shaggy Dick Too as a In and Out look a like and some charge about In and Out showing his naked butt in public and the taxi driver taking a REAL good look….
Sixth darned AOB: Shut the Fuck Up brings in a bloody liar, a woman walked past DIY and was clearly feasting her eyes on his attractive derrièrre but when challenged with “what are you looking at?” said she was not! Well so bring in the bloody liar: Loose Change! For not owning up to a peek – she’s all right she’s all right (in her own defense she mumbled something about having actually said something about “a bit of all right that”… with a husband called Slack-Arse you have to understand the woman has got to have a look outside.. – compare the derrière - so as to speak.
Seventh AOB (is this never gonna stop?) Boo with a charge to do with foreign talent – Serangoon road – wearing flip flops ??? most hashers wear flip flops! A smattering including Kannot Kan and Chastity Belt ++ ? were made to drink for being foreign talent with flip flops.
Eigth AOB: (let it be a short one – Aye Aye? – well that is unlikely to be short! - And as the charge unravels I understand this is not the eight AOB this is … the… mystery – mystery – mystery whip! It appears that three weeks running our forgetful GM has appointed two mystery mystery whips – is this pure accident or is he making changes by stealth? (At last a subject I can bring up at the next committee meeting!!)
Wanky Pooh was late for tonight’s’ run and was heard by Aye Aye agonizing (oh no I am whip tonight and I have nothing…- so much thought went into finding at least one good charge only to find two other mystery whips in the circle!
Calling on Impossible, not only is he always impossible, tonight he was impossibly late AND at the wrong end of Jalan Lam Sam, now many of us would have looked “left-right” and risked driving through but being impossibly law-abiding, Impossible drove around and ended up incredibly late so give the time-management challenged a note…
The Prick: Croc O’Shit
Still on tour – must be that Kathy’s mum heard about it and demanded to have her turn (to pass it round the Mah Jong club) – we hope you have a good trip in Shanghai Kathy J
Circle closed at a record early time of 20:38 and everybody was called On On On……………………
On On On On!
Scribed by Cheeks Out
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