There was rumour that this would not be a particularly long run, so with bodies recovering from the previous nights gut buster at Bukit Gombak, it was optimistic and cheerful group of Hashers who boarded the Love Boats to Pulua Ubin. With Croc O Shit singing the theme from ‘The Love Boat’ and the noise of the engine, no one could hear those sea sick Hashers throwing up over the stern! But what a run! Was it short? I don’t know because I was on my hands and knees at the finish, too exhausted to look at a watch. Was it tough? Yes! The front runners did it particularly tough because there were some long, long stretches along fast running trails. Throw in some huge checks, a long hill climb near the Quarry and a very long home trail and you had some pretty tired front runners at the finish. A notable new face at the front of the pack was Judy, who showed that she is a pretty handy runner. You can find out more about Judy in this weeks ‘On the couch with Cock Radio’ The middle and back of the pack may have had more time to enjoy the scenic trails and laid back lifestyle of this unique little island. It was then every man, and woman, for themselves to scramble on the first boats back to Changi for refreshments and a dip in the pool.
The outgoing Committee were given a thank you and sent on their merry way; in fact some of them were looking very merry already.
What did we think of the run? It was decided that this must have been a good run because Boo came in at the back of the pack. Well done Hares and we are thankful you didn’t set a long run!
Visitors; A good turn out from the Sunday Hash (who by the way are running this Sunday, check their web site) Shut the Fuck Up, Elephant Man, Oragami, Green Piss, Judy, Midge, Too Big, Chantelle, Boris Ball, Carolyn
Returnees; Temporary Errection, Winger
Hare Whip: Indecent Exposure had Peking Ong, Astronut and Strapless in for drinking beer instead of setting the run. (personally, I don’t see a problem with that?) While this was bad enough in itself, according to Indecent Exposure, it also set a bad example for others that may be easily led astray. On in Wonton, who was also spotted having an ale. Give the beer drinkers a beer!
Loose Change, Twin Towers, Ugly Bum, Iron Crotch and Loose Change were all spotted riding bikes around the trail. Ugly Bum tried to get out of it by saying she doesn’t know how to ride a bike and needs trainer wheels. All of you, have a drink and get on your bikes!
And now it’s time for the Mystery Whip! Ad Nauseum enters to tell us what a great place Ubin is, rustic, scenic, natural, laid back etc. However one Hasher was not impressed due to the excessive Bonking that happens over there. ‘Dirty Bastards, bonking again’ she exclaimed out on the run. ‘ Look, more bonking!’ a bit further on. ‘Ohh no, they’re at it again’ as we went through some bush. 5 minutes further up the trail, ‘Goddam it, they’re at it again!’ So who is doing all this bonking that Big Head was so jealous of? The wild boars of course. Give the ‘Deliverance’ gal a banjo note.
Going up the hill by the quarry, one hasher had his eyes on a female in front of him. ‘Corr, look at that arse will you!’ Ad Nauseum was just trying to get up the hill at this stage and replied ‘ take it easy, save your energy.’ But our besotted male would not ease up with the perving, ‘Wow, that is a great arse!’Ad Nauseum decided it was time to bring him back to reality, ‘Circle Jerk, that is not Eleven.’ It seems that Circle Jerk stared and commented at Caroline’s (new Wednesday member) arse all the way up the hill! I’m sure Eleven made a crack at him for that charge.
Boo is dragged in by his ears for talking about last night’s run. ‘It was terrible, I had to take 4 of them around the trail, my wife, my girlfriend and 2 aunties!’ Bring them in. So in comes Quickie (the wife), Twin Towers (the girl friend) followed by Too Good and Indecent Exposure (the aunties) I think there may have been 1 more Aunty but I couldn’t keep up.
And now it’s time for the Mystery, Mystery Whip. Saliva it is!
Straight away she has Cock Radio in as he claimed to never have seen the Club Constitution, let alone read it. What sort of state of affairs is this for an On Sec. Give the boy a note, and a copy of the Constitution!
Apparently the Scots have willy warmers, (and why not when you are wearing a kilt in the Highlands) but it seems that someone on the Hash has a willy comb! Back in comes Cock Radio who has a small comb attached to his pocket by a piece of string. Despite Cock Radio defending himself by saying these are board shorts and the comb is for roughing up the wax on the surfboard, Saliva shows how the comb can be used on the willy.
Next in are Dominator and Bully, one is dressed so sexy while the other is a bit of a flopper/blopper. Guess who was who? However, Dominator was a little confused however as to why she was going to Changi on Saturday? Do the words AGM and Ubin run mean anything to her or does Bully keep her in the dark???
Bully asked all the men married more than 16 years to raise their hands (notice he didn’t say ‘happily’ married?) and told them to take care. Seems he just cancelled his insurance policy so what does Dominator do at last nights run ? Pushed him into a drain!
An irritated Pussy Lifter comes in to vent his frustration at the web master and the person responsible for mailing out newsletters. So in comes Peeking Ong and Cock Radio for dereliction of duties, seems Pussy Lifter has not been getting news mailed to him, still, and when he went to the web site he was given the wrong news. Oh, well too many Germans at the run as it is.
Stash mentions how Strapless had to borrow some shoes for the run on a Friday recently because he forgot his, mentioned something about the pressures of work as an excuse for forgetting (yeah, I can imagine Tiger Woods turning up at Augusta for the Masters, getting onto the first tee then saying ‘Oh shit, I forgot my Clubs’) Stash noticed that Strapless’ shoes today were a little bit on the rather large size. Are they your shoes Strapless enquired Stash? Umm, no, not actually replied Strapless sheepishly, ‘ I borrowed them from my son’ Guess it saves wearing your own shoes out. Or is the lack of shoes due to the rapid increase in the price of rice and Strapless can’t afford his own?
Stash points out that a hasher lost their virginity on Pulua Ubin today, in come Croc O shit who had never been there before. He also got a little bit confused on the run when the discussion turned to wild pigs and instead of saying ‘My wife is wild but not a boar’ came out with ‘my wife is a boar but not wild’ Oh dear, there could be a very wild wife if this gets back to her, and life could be a boar for Croc for a few nights!
Not Tonight is worried about our new beer girl. She has been concentrating so hard on the charges and the circle that she keeps forgetting to take the down downs out. But can she do the splits? Yes!
Wet Patch tells us a little bit of inside info about the men’s change rooms after the run. A few of the men were having a shower, amongst them himself, Croc O Shit, Stash and Comes Quietly when in comes a fully clothed Peeking Ong who promptly tripped and spilt beer everywhere. I have heard of problems when someone drops the soap in the men’s showers but never heard someone ask to pick up the beer cup!
Comes Quietly, who has obviously been disappointed all week about this, has Juice Extractor in, who had failed to take advantage of him when she led him into the bush and had him on his back. Then the following week at the Quad Run as we stood around watching Kan Not Can’s imitation of an epileptic spider playing sepak takraw, she then introduced him to her husband. Does that girl really know how to pass up on opportunities.
Shaggy Dick 2 observed that the On Sec is doing the scribing tonight and comments that is normally the Assistant On Sec’s role. So what of deals or offers has Poser offered Cock Radio for this to happen? The two under suspicion claim total innocence, leave the circle, with Cock Radio going back to his seat and Poser sitting on his knee. Mmm?
The Dick ( a rather late entering dick?) but in comes Croc O Shit who mentions that we can go no further for romantic inspiration than look to Eleven and Circle Jerk.
At the end of the run, Suzie Wong and In and Out, who had been running together for ‘minutes’ could not find each other. ‘Where is he?’ asked a worried Suzie Wong. Croc o Shit came up with a whole of excuses as to where he could be. And Suzie wongs romantic inspirational response to this? ‘ The Fucking Jerk’. Truly deserving of the fucking prick!! Well done Suzie Wong.
And at tha,t the smell of Mr.Ho’s BBQ food was too tempting and it was On On On!
Scribed by Cock Radio, On Sec, who swears he is receiving no kickbacks from Poser at all. (yet)
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