The run:  Have you ever been stuck in a public toilet with a bad case of the runs and no bog roll?  It wasn’t THAT bad.  In spite of inclement weather, the hares bravely set a run with some unique elements.  Lion City got a taste of Commando Operation with a roped descent into a flooded tunnel.  There was some shiggy and some bush, but we were never too far from a taxi stand which kept the Virgerman from panicking!  The G.P.S. said 4.48 miles.  (That’s 29 degrees Celsius in metric).  Kudos to these hares who, in the first quarter of 2008, have already set their 2^nd run.  Let the whiners get their lazy bums out there and lay a run!!!! 

Hares:  Grandmaster Armless called in the hares and asked Lion City’s opinion of the evening’s run.  No one yelled Hash Shit, so it must have been a GOOD RUN.

Next week’s run:  Little John stepped in and proclaimed next Friday’s run to be an emergency run from Meeting Point #4 on Chestnut Avenue.  Apparently, Sonny Ovesen, the guy slated in on the hareline, had been neither seen, nor heard from in ages, so it was up to Little John to make sure we have a run next week.  Late-breaking information has come in.  Sonny is in fact going to lay the run…  with help from Little John.  On-on will be at Karus for some ring-burning banana leaf.  Check the website for details, or just show up at meeting point #4, next Friday for a 6:00 p.m. run.  Bring mossy spray and your First-Alert® emergency medical service pager:  “Help!  I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!”

Armless returned to the circle to introduce the virgins and guests but was politely asked to remove his hat, as no hats are allowed in the circle at the Lion City Hash.  This particular hat was a Perth Interhash hat, but it’s a slippery slope, and we can’t start making exceptions now, can we?

Virgin:  Nicolas was welcomed as a virgerman.  His name sounded very much like Knickerless, however that was the only resemblance to our beloved hare.

Returnees:  Mini Humper and Bushy Brows were at the hash!

Visitors:  Vibrator, Fred (Jingle Balls), Milan, Likk ‘m, Mr. X, Penile Extension, Shaggy Dick, Hatman, Baboon Arse, and Donner Kebab graced Lion City’s presence.  WELCOME!  Come again!

Hare Whip:  Knickerless began by letting us know that for her, there are two sides to everything.  We HAD noticed that she is quite…  shall we say…  three dimensional.  In any case, for this evening, the sides are:  The Grudge, and No Grudge.  First the grudge!  On in Ditch, Shiggy Piggy, and Tiger Lily who would assume the representative roles of whingers.  “There was no paper!  Where was the trail?  I couldn’t find anything!”  Knickerless says that when confronted with whingers, she tends just to agree with them, until she can shut them up.  These ungrateful bastards were given a down-down and a lesson was learned by all of us:  Thank the hares and quit your bitching!  Next in was Shaggy Dick.  Knickerless didn’t recognize him right away, but she did recognize the t-shirt that he was wearing on the run.  When she approached him and took a closer look at the shirt to see if maybe the familiar character had been met on a previous run, she was silenced by his disapproving look.  What’s the matter Shaggy Dick?  No one has ever come over to you and just stared at your t-shirt?!  You’re supposed to act like you like it!  Lastly, Running Shit was brought in for not taking full advantage of this Nature-Lovers run.  He ran right past all of the Avicennia alba, Avicennia marina, Bruguiera gymn, Kandelia candel, Bruguiera sexangula and even the Crusted Tit, without even recognizing it.  I know…  I couldn’t understand what she was talking about either.  However, she said it very well.  She had great pronunciation and wonderful articulation!  That last bit was the no grudge part I reckon.

Mystery Whip:  Not Tonight was grateful that on this night’s treacherous run there were three blonde good Samaritans to make everything all right.  First, Loose Change reminded her not to go into the flooded tunnel because it was there where she nearly drowned just a year ago.  Imagine, a blonde remembering such a long time ago!  This same Samaritan took her own life into her hands to rescue a poor, stray Burmese pussy cat on Adams Road, just to be bitten by the damn thing for her efforts.  You can imagine the innuendo.  I don’t need to write it!  The next good Samaritan was Knickerless who was concerned for Phoney Dick because of his tumble in the flooded tunnel!  She wasn’t sure if her co-hare who swam like a seaman would make it home all right so she stayed vigilant.  When he finally did make it back, Ugly Bum, the third blonde Samaritan helped with first aid.  When she saw that there was a cut on his finger, she told him to:  “Suck it!”  Good advice!  Such caring among hashers!  And for their efforts…  he bit them like the Burmese pussy!

Mystery-Mystery Whip:  Croc O’Shit  charged Penile Extension for not reading the newsletter after having begged for a plug for Idle Banter.  Shame!  “I take back all of those good things about Idle Banter!”  J  Next, Croc O’Shit acknowledged the fact that there have been more visitors than members over the last couple of runs and that was a good thing.  However, the members should be more helpful in teaching visitors our culture.  Visiting hasher:  Mr. X was brought in and told that he would have to wait for the Any Other Business portion of the circle to speak, so he could take the cup off of his head!  The visiting Frenchmen were also told that they should wait until the END of the song to drink!  Lastly, Croc O’Shit brought Fred into the circle who had made a spectacle of himself at the previous week’s run and due to the fact that the only English words he knew were the lyrics to Jingle Bells.  Croc O’Shit requested that Fred’s impromptu hash name:  Jingle Balls, that was given to him at the Red Lantern the previous Friday by six chanting tables, be officially validated by the Grand-Master.  After obvious reluctance and cries of “no” that interpreted by a non-English speaker sounded like:  “Fuck off!  Who are you?  You’re not welcome here!”, Grand-Master Armless baptized Fred:  Jingle Balls.

The Prick of the Week:  Tiger Lily handed the prick over to Jingle Balls.  No explanation was given, but then again, none was really needed.  Jingle Balls then dipped the prick in beer and gave it a good sucking.  Tiger Lily did say that she cleaned it thoroughly.  I wonder how she got it dirty?

Any Other Business:

Jingle Balls called in Mr. Law, but he really meant Boo.  Boo came into the circle and agreed to be his translator.  Here is the transcript…

Jingle Balls:  High speek leeto Eeengleesh.

Boo:  Aye speek litto Engliss

Jingle Balls:  Sank Ewe fo zee preek.  I like ziss.

Boo:  Tank you fo dee prick.  I like it!

Mr. X says that this was his best run in 3 weeks and was disappointed to learn that the lovely young lady who swept him up at the end of the run was really more interested in chasing pussy.  On in Loose Change.

Hatman came in and made a plug for a run next year in Europe.  Just 200 euros.  Details to follow soon.  I know I can’t wait!

Hooray gave Little John a down-down for laying the run that broke Fawlty Tower’s ankle which then lead to thrombosis of some type.  Don’t forget your first-aid kit next week!

Shaggy Dick charges Hatman for being dressed like the offspring of Crocodile Dundee and Batman!

Stash gives Armless a down-down for wearing a t-shirt giving false info:  Bali Interhash 2010!  The Germans are back to spreading misinformation!

Mr. X shared some of the hash culture from his hometown.  It seems that where he comes from, when ONE German drinks, ALL Germans drink.  What a good idea!  Why didn’t WE think of that!

Little John called Stash in to remind him that last week at lunch he was wearing a Singapore Interhash 2008 shirt!  Here’s to the hypocrite!

Loose Change charged Stash for abandoning his wife at Interhash.  Everyone noticed he had a new girlfriend at the run.

Ugly Bum was happy that the cards are back but she had a charge for her assistant, Iron Crotch, who said she wouldn’t pull Phoney Dick’s card this run because he came too late!  Give the brunette a note!

On-On across the steet!

Scribe:  Croc O’Shit

On-Back to Weekly Scribe Reports Index.

On-Back to Lion City HHH homepage.