Stiffy’s Birthday Run!!!!
Date: 30 November 2007
Hares: Stiffy and Not Tonight
Site: Lock Road, off Alexandra Road. In Gillman Village
On On: Restaurant nearby
The hares must have sensed that many would be late. What other reason could explain the length and number of checks within the first 200 yards (that’s kilos in metric) of this run? A sizeable pack trundled off down a path, up a creek, just to turn back in search of an outlet. Next, Lion City climbed up stairs as they were being built to the surprise and amusement of some workmen who seemed relieved to have a chance to take a break. It took a good 10 minutes for us to get out of view of the beer truck, but once we were gone, we were really gone. After dodging traffic while crossing Alexandra Road, runners found greener pastures. This run took us past some beautiful, old black and whites and after half of the pack stopped and posed for a photo with a newlywed couple in their smart dress, we were treated to rolling hills reminiscent of the opening scenes of "The Sound
Of Music"…. Well, perhaps that’s going a bit too far. It was not bad though. It’s hard for me to remember much about the second half of the run as I was mostly staring at my feet and praying that my heart wouldn’t suddenly stop beating. The beginning of the run was short, but then it got long. I would give you the GPS data, but it’s in smoots, and I know how hard it is for our european readers to convert. Front runners were in on paper in about an hour which can only be atributed to their superb athletic condition, the cool temperature, and the smooth running surface for the last kilometer or two. It was a long, hilly trot enjoyed by all.
Armless yelled "Gazzer Rownde" at 8:07 p.m.
Hares: Stiffy, Not Tonight and Speedy Tits all entered the ring with long hair and skirts. What did we think of the run? GOOD RUN!
Next Week’s Hares: Bully is hosting his 68th birthday run starting from Tulip Garden Condominium. On-on will be on-site, poolside for $10. Bring your swimwear and hope that he doesn’t bring his! Please be respectful to the residents when arriving and parking.
Announcement: A blanket invitation was given to Lion City members to attend this Monday’s Singapore Hash House Harriers Ladies’ Night on-on at Peeking Ong’s house. His address is: 61 Bin Tong Park. The run is for men only, but the on-on is for everyone and begins at 8:00 p.m.
Virgins: Dominique, Andrew and Iza participated in their first hash and their lives will never be the same. You can tell by the way they were walking after the run.
Visitors: Can the Cobra, Cannot Cun, Jurrasic Dick, Octopussy, Giveway, Hotel, Fawlty Towers, Twin Towers, Mother Tongue, Welsh Git and Jonathan came for a visit, went for a run, and stayed for a drink. We love our visitors!
Returnee: So Kan Cheong graced Lion City with his presence.
Harewhip: There are many ways to describe Stiffy’s accoutrement in the circle as he took up his role as harewhip. Picture the offspring of Angus Young and Madonna… No, on second thought…. don’t. For his first charge, Stiffy brought in Shoe Shopper explaining that it’s hard enough laying runs when litter conscious Singaporeans keep picking up the paper before runners go by. Why did she make it even more difficult by using his paper for her call of nature?! Next, Boo was called in for his egregious transgressions on private property. A lawyer should know better! Finally a homemade cheesecake was brought into the circle. Cumpass made it special for Stiffy’s birthday. It was her first cheesecake! Does that mean she’s no longer a cheesecake virgin? After taking as deep a breath as a man his age can, Stiffy blew out the single candle. Happy Birthday!
Mystery Whip: Fawlty Towers decides to enlighten Lion City to the inner workings of Australian politics. This is an intellectual side of the hash that occasionally rears its ugly head when we haven’t had enough to drink. "An election for the House of Representatives was held on 24 November 2007 at which the Coalition Government led by the Prime Minister, the Hon John Howard MP, was defeated." In honor of this important news, Fawlty Towers thought it would be a good idea to call Johnny Howard in for a down-down. Since he couldn’t be present, a look-a-like was in order. Fawlty Towers wanted to make sure he got someone who could really embody the essence of this once powerful politician. He’s short, old, balding and on his way out! On in Coo Chi Coo! But wait! Johnny Howard has a replacement! "Australia's mandarin speaking prime minister-elect Kevin Rudd arrived in the nation's capital Wednesday to choose his new cabinet, aides said, as outgoing John Howard and his vanquished team cleared out their desks." Who can drink in place of a loud-mouthed, Asian lawyer?! On-in Boo! Give them a note! Fawlty Towers related to the group that he had been travelling during the week before the Silver Jubilee Dinner and Dance. While he was gone, certain hashers took advantage of his absence to lead Twin Towers astray! She along with Cumpus, Sharon Batu, Juice Extractor and Goodie Bag were brought in for going on a G-string shopping spree in preparation for the D&D. There were a few shouts of bullshit. Hashers can be a suspicious lot. Coo Chi Coo suggested that proof of their g-string purchases be shown before judgment be passed. Unfortunately, this was not forthcoming! For his last charge, Fawlty Towers called in Cums Quietly who shared his taxi home from the D&D. It was already quite late, but Cums Quietly insisted on stopping the taxi so he could run off into the bushes and "feed the stray dogs." Lovely image! Was the strawberry mousse as good the second time?
Armless took advantage of the whipping change to call our lovely German virgin, Iza into the circle. This was by special request from Hooray who wanted to get a better look. Iza was given a number card and instructed to hold it up for each round change as is often done for boxing matches. Finally Iza was charged with being extremely easy on the eyes.
Mystery-Mystery Whip: Unsung hero award winning Strapless quickly brought the circle back to order by calling in Sweet Thighs and Jack-Off for incessant yacking while the circle was going on. At least they were quiet while swallowing their beer! Next, Strapless decided to whip his wife… as one sometimes does… Chickshit has been hashing since before she was born and on this night’s run, she got lost for the very first time. It could happen to anyone… in the jungle maybe! How in the heck did she get lost in this neighborhood?! At this point the circle started getting noisy again. I guess Sweet Thighs and Jack-Off were still thirsty. Being the helpful and sensitive man that his is, Coo Chi Coo yelled out: "QUIET!
Respect for the Chink!" Strapless rewarded him with a down-down. We’re just one big happy multi-cultural hashing family, aren’t we?! Finally, Strapless reminded hashers that the Singapore Marathon would take place on Sunday. Many hashers participate in the marathon as they are superb athletes. However, two marathoners, in Strapless’ view, needed recognition. Astronut and Peeking Ong were brought in and recognized for having been on day-long drinking marathon that was still in progress! Give the drunkards a note!
Awards: Two award winning members of the 25th Anniversary Run were called in to receive recognition for their efforts. Thanks Running Shit and Iron Crotch. Bagless Too was also rewarded for being voted: Proudest T-shirt wearer for the D&D T-shirt parade!
Jack-Off called in Machine for his blue hair. He was overheard saying that the dye in his hair was very expensive. That makes it worse, doesn’t it? ONE GERMAN DRINKS…. ALL GERMANS DRINK! His hairdo is getting expensive for the hash now too!
Croc O’Shit called in Welsh Git who must have heard that there were positions open on the Lion City Committee judging by the way he was glad-handing hashers as they crossed an unavoidable bottleneck. Welsh Git for GM!
Shoe Shopper was brought in for having told Stiffy where he could get his hair done. The family resemblance really shows when he dresses that way!
Iza was brought in again for being scrumptious. I’m not sure who brought her in. My gaze was fixed elsewhere.
Ad Nauseum called in the Silver Jubilee D&D committee and related how thankful he was that this even only comes around every 25 years! Don’t worry Ad Nauseum! You’re already slated to be on the 50th Anniversary Committee!
Mother Tongue called in the stars of the award-winning documentary on the Lion City Pussy. This film had its debut at the D&D and has already made a splash on the Singpore cinemagraphic scene. Astronut, as the great Beaver Hunter, received a down-down along with Big Head, Ugly Bum, Loose Change and one more… Sorry, my pen ran out of ink just at this moment. I know, excuses are like assholes, we all have them and they all stink! The question remains: Where is the Pussy now?! Is the Beaver Hunter going to bring it back?
Ad Nauseum called in Astronut and tried to make him admit that the only reason he went hunting for a pussy that had been buried for years was that it would still be newer and less worn than the one he had at home.
Mother Tongue charged Astronut again, but I can’t remember why… And the marathon continued!
Stiff called in Ugly Bum and pointed out that this evening she WAS wearing her glasses unlike on the evening of the D&D when she truly needed them but was too vain to wear them!
Circle Closed at 8:42 p.m.
ON-ON: Right across the road. Good Chinese Food.
Scribe: Croc O’Shit
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