YOU’RE IN THE ARMY NOW!!
Hares: Boob A Lube and Hungry Bum.
Location: Christian Cemetery Path 1.
The Run: It was a bit of a worry to turn up to the run site and to be confronted with Boob A Lube screaming for toilet paper. He obviously had a problem of some sort. Mind you having seen the way the trail was laid it was amazing that there’s any toilet paper left in Singapore. We had heard that in the army you were only allowed one sheet per go, one wipe up, one down and one to give it a polish. So it was a bit shocking to see a Full Lieutenant using it like there was no tomorrow, maybe it just felt too good to resist rolling off handfuls of the stuff after a career of minimalist arse wiping. Who knows? But there was more than a roll or two out there. Not surprising that most of the troops followed their marching orders and managed to stay on trail and were home in good time. There were a couple who went off to do a bit of scouting around on their own and eventually returned to barracks under the cover of darkness, more of them later. All the troops were happy and all seemed to have enjoyed getting their leg over just before home, as one Harriet was heard to say, “You’d better enjoy it, it’ll probably be your only chance all night………..you should have joined the Navy!!” ON ON!!
The Verdict: Possibly a bit excessive on the toilet paper, good run.
Visitors: Juice Extractor, Mini Humper, Dave Martin, Sooch, Lars, Rieya, Eva and Steve.
Returnees: Jig A Jig, Shrimp and Bite n Suck.
Hare Whip: First off Boob A Lube had Stash in to explain how Stash and a couple of others had been wandering around a bit lost during the last section of the run. They were off trail and couldn’t find paper!! “Impossible” I hear you saying. Well it was possible because Ad Nausium was going around picking it up in front of them!! We’ve heard the Scots can be a bit tight, but collecting second hand toilet paper is just pushing the bounds of acceptability. ON IN Ad Nausium!!
Next in were Saliva and Aye Aye our little night owls. They decided that as time was pressing that they’d just go straight up the road….Good decision. Then they decided to go around the edge of the cemetery……OK decision. Finally they decided to rejoin the trail and go back into the bush…….bloody silly decision. Is all they had to do was to follow the very sensible advice of Slocum and they could have been home before dark. “Why were they born so beautiful……..”
Next he had Blooshit and Quickie in. His only comment being that “If they can finish in under 2 hours then anyone can”.
Finally ON IN Machine who was so keen to get home that he was doing a bit of running through checks without breaking them. Naughty naughty boy.
Mystery Whip: ON IN Too Dry who took over at the eleventh hour as the original Mystery Whip was being held up!! Zipp you’ve got to stop those mid morning drinking binges!! Despite the short notice Too Dry was very well prepared. First off she had the Hash Shit to pass onto last week’s hares which I’m sure is always a pleasure to do, ON IN Peeking Ong and Strapless, and very well deserved it was too!!
Next in were all the people called Daly who all seem to spell it differently, except of course the ones who don’t, but then they wouldn’t would they?
For some reason which I have to confess escapes me Bully, Armless and Peeking Ong were brought in as Three Wise Men!! Sorry, I haven’t got a clue, must have been at the bar. “We were led by a star”…..”You were led by the bottle more like”…..Give the Three Very Wise Ones a note.
Finally Too Dry brings in Robin to give him a very sexy new pair of crocs, and didn’t they look nice. At this point all hell broke loose and a naming ceremony was in full swing, until it was revealed that he already has a Hash name; OOOh AAAh I hear you saying, yes its true, he’s called Little John in another life. Well Little John you can now go and show all your merry little woodland men your brand new crocs!!
Mystery Mystery Whip: Cock Radio started off by bringing in last weeks Hares to ask them when they were going to do the second half of last weeks run. ON IN Peeking Ong and Strapless, half a million runs between them and they could only manage a half an hour fiasco!! Good Charge.
Next in were all the girls who were just falling at his feet!! “Bulls@#t, Bulls@#t it all sounds like bulls@#t to me to me” was the cry. But no he was adamant, ON IN Lick It Up, Ugly Bum, Eleven and Poser. Last week Eleven was at his feet, this week it was Lick It Up on all fours in front of him, Ugly Bum was having a great time whatching him get his leg over, and finally Poser just wanted to give him money for services rendered. What a life. Give the shameless Harriets a note.
Hungry Bum was next for cooking whatever it was for Boob A Lube’s supper last night that had him screaming for toilet paper as Cock Radio got to the run site. She said he did the cooking last night!! Give the curry in a hurry man a note.
Finally he wanted to bring in a high profile international leader. ON IN Stash the George Bush look a like. Now according to Cock Radio, Mr. Bush has been shouting about free trade for all, his next visit is Vietnam who just happens to be excluded from this free trade agreement. Give Mr. Bush a note. “Why was he born so beautiful why was he born at all, he’s no f@#$#@g use to anyone he’s no f@#$%$g use at all”.
AOB: First off Stash had Cock Radio in who was selling a handful of tickets for the D and D at a discount price but didn’t have any of the normal price ones to sell. Not very good business sense according to Stash.
Someone had Cheeks Out in for her re-entry sunglasses of which she seems to be very proud.
Cheeks Out then had Fag Sucker and Magoo in for being very naughty boys. When she’d very politely asked them if she could pass, they very rudely shouted NO!!
Stiffy had found a collection of different coloured hair dye with a difference. The stuff he had found was for pubic hair. Makes you wonder where Stiffy does his shopping! He needed a few volunteers to try it out. Cheeks Out got the blonde colour, Chicken Shit got the red bottle and last but certainly not least Machine got the very fetching blue colour. Stiffy will be giving you all an inspection next week to see how things are coming along!!
The rest I’m afraid is all a bit of a blur, but Astronnut With Two ns was in for moving house, Machine was in for doing something horrendous to Hungry Bum and Shiggy Piggy was in for falling flat on his face. ON ON.
ON ON: The Farmart Center.
On on Shaggy Dick Too.
On-Back to Weekly Scribe Reports Index.
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