SUZIE WONG AND ON UP’S “TURF CITY TROT”.
Hares: Suzie Wong and In and Out.
Location: The Old Turf Club Road.
The Run: The destination was The Old Turf club road, and it was a fine collection of Disc Jockeys, Knob Jockeys and Hash House Harrier Jockeys who came out for a trot on a wet bank holiday Friday. The Hares returned from laying the paper a bit wet and bedraggled and then had to set off to re-lay some of the trail that had been washed away. Nice that they put in the extra effort or some people might have got lost!! Out of the starting gate it was a gentle canter up the Old Turf Club Road into a check which took the pack a good 5 minutes to sort out. It was then time for the Mares and Fillies to speed up the pace in front of the Grand Stadium. Peeking Ong got a bit of blood to the head and did a superb impression of Red Rum, striding off into the distance. The trail wound its way down to Jalan Kampong Chantek before starting a huge clockwise loop eventually hitting Eng Neo Avenue. Some Hashers strayed from the path of righteousness and made up their own little trail off into the wilderness. Some found a bar and stayed there! More of these later. Some good trails, a few choices that kept the pack guessing. Cock Radio, Fag Sucker and Cums Quietly led the charge home though Cums Quietly nearly didn’t make it back for a beer after a close shave with a BMW. Most were back around the hour mark, ready to hit the trough and the nose bag. What better way of spending The Buddha’s birthday, ON ON.
The Verdict: Good Run and Happy Birthday to the Big Buddha.
Visitors: Basil, Legless, Chee Siew Sim, Mette, Robin, Lethal Weapon, Boy Scout, Tit Mouse, Bopeep, Martin, Selena, David, Sylvia.
Returnees: Stormin, Boris Balls, Harvey Wall banger.
Hare Whip: To start the Hare Whip tennis match Suzie Wong had a whole host of winos in who didn’t make it past the first alcohol stop. This really doesn’t sound like Hash House Harrier behavior now does it! The pissheads included Deceased, Mellons, No Good, Sharon Batu and Chee Siew Sim.
On Up then returned serve by talking about going to the driving range to get out of the range and to hit a few balls. I’m sure that the afternoon must have flown by. The point of the story was to explain that his hand phone ended up in the front pouch of his “Fanny Pack”. This is an American expression for a bum bag so putting your phone in one isn’t as painful as it sounds. The rest of the story is basically about two men going off for a walk together to find a lost hand phone, how sweet. On Up lost his on the trail. A visitor called Basil found one on the trail. He then left it where it was in case some one had left it there on purpose and was going to come back for it!! Obviously the god of common sense was having the afternoon off and the god of stupidity was filling in!! After the run the two of them got talking, sorted out what was what and went off to find it together. The story had a very happy ending as they managed to find the phone and get it safely back to the run site. On Up gave Basil a free beer for finding the phone in the first place but gave him a charge for being a silly sod and leaving it out on the trail in the rain.
Suzie Wong was back in for another serve. When the sky was looking darker than an Irian Jayan’s arm pit, or any other part of his or her anatomy for that matter, they spotted a bar and decided to have a bit of a pit stop. On Up then realized they were running low on toilet paper. So the cheeky little rascal stole some from the loo!! What’s the world coming to? I’m sure if he realized that his hand phone was going to spending some quality time alone in the bush he wouldn’t have been quite so light fingered!! Give the loo paper thief a note.
On Up fancied one last rally so he asked Loose Change in for a thank you drink. She’d been praying to the Arch Angel Raphael for the safe return of the hand phone, thanks for your prayers Loose change.
Mystery Whip: Half Cut came into the circle and if there’s anyone deserved a drink it’s her after managing to end up on Upper Bukit Timah Road. How? Who knows! Not only this but she was also standing as our long lost Hash Brew for Wet and Wild who is away on another Hash Calendar bikini shoot in Alska.
Next she had Slack Arse in for leaving her behind on the trail. She was more concerned about the reputation of the Lion City hash as a caring community than the fact she was lost alone in the untamed wilderness of the Bukit Timah Nature Reserve. Slack Arse replied that there was no way she should have got lost with the hair colour shining out for all to see.
Next in Iron Crotch for saying something along the lines of “Don’t worry, she’s still learning”. We were under the impression that Half Cut had plenty of experience!!
Finally she wanted Holy Shit in but she wasn’t around so Not Tonight came in as a look a like. The charge had absolutely nothing to do with the hash but was about the two of them having a nice little walk around the B T nature reserve (Must have a short memory for footpaths). On their little wander they bumped into a bright blue snake. Half Cut jumped a mile but Holy Shit casually looked it in the eye and waited for it to move on!! It turns out it was a highly poisonous Malaysian Coral snake who must have been away on holiday visiting the relies. Gentlemen, beware of the young lady who will look a big blue veined snake in the eye, just so she can see if it will come or go!! You have been warned!! “Give the snake charmer a note…….”
Mystery Mystery Whip: Stash went whip to whip and gave Half Cut a drink for her epic journey to the Upper Bukit Timah Road.
Next he had Strapless in as a Mandarin Lau look a like. He couldn’t decide which way to go even though he is a local, and ended up following the crowd. Selena was also in for not having much conviction herself.
Big Head was in for a crime of fashion. She wore leggings for the Changi Run but went bare legged through the shiggy this week.
Cock Radio was in for having no manners and not holding some of the checks, which I say old boy is just not cricket. Give the uncouth youth a note, “Himmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…..Himmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….F@#K him”.
Robin was next in for describing Mette by saying that the only time she isn’t a pain in the ass is when she is going up hill.
Machine was in for his comment of “I’m on top and there are just too many choices”
Finally Hooray was in as a Boo look a like. In an International News Paper, which Stash was reading on an airplane going somewhere or other, the paper had said that the opposition party in Singapore is getting stronger!! Was that getting stronger or smelling stronger? As Coo Chi Coo said, the election was on the Saturday but the results were out on the Friday! Give them all a drink. The times are certainly not a changin’ ON ON.
AOB: Shoe Shopper wanted to bring in a Hasher with a strong and steady rhythm to give him an award for 50 rhythmical runs. ON IN Skid Mark.
G String had the Dick to give away. She did warn Machine that the reason he was allowed out until 3 in the morning with the boys this week was because she had a nice big, hard , plastic dick to keep her company. Next week you’re back on a ten o’clock curfew!!
Chatting before the run she had asked one of the girls how her man was, the young lady replied, “Which one?” They even came in different cars to the run. It sounds like No Good has plenty of the real things to keep her going without a plastic one as well. All the same, congratulations and enjoy.
Cock Radio had Fag Sucker in for breaking couple of his finger nails.
Slack Arse had Half Cut in for making them late home as they had to wait for her. He then remembers that he was late and lost on the trail. Was his good wife worried about him? Well she was saying her prayers for the safe return of a f@#king hand phone. The comment from the cheap seats was “Slack Arse, you need more than prayers!!” At least you know where your wife’s priorities lie.
ON ON: The Red Lantern.
On on Shaggy Dick Too.
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