DICKLESS’S BIRTHDAY RUN.
Location: Changi Village.
The Run: It was a select but pert pack that made the annual migration east to the fabled lands of Changi Village to sing Dickless a birthday song. Dickless has his birthday speech off down perfectly these days and he reminded the pack that Changi is no longer the virgin rainforest it once was so please try and stay on paper as the beer truck doesn’t arrive until 6:50. The first check was an arrow pointing up the beach to the river mouth, with nowhere to go. Being the fine upstanding hashers they are the FRB’s ran it anyway to cries of “Run The F@#$%$g Hash”.
It was a well set trail with some good checks which kept the pack together nicely. It was a short cutters paradise which some took full advantage off. The finish was the now familiar 3km dash home down the boardwalk. The FRB’s live for this and most opened their legs to show off whatever class they had. Tiger Lily led the charge home with Cock Radio opening his legs as wide as possible in the vain hope of matching her class, nice try. The pack was home in around the hour mark.
The Verdict. Good run, very good run, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DICKLESS now bring on the dancing girls.
Virgins: Glyn Jones.
Visitors Woody, Steve, Mette, Robin, Cheryl, Legless, Captain Virgin, Man and Jasmine.
Returnees: Dickless, Bagless 2, Black Widow and Big Hammer.
Hare Whip: Dickless had Black Widow in the circle for a charge that involved a couple of Harriets who were standing on a corner near the run site. One of them had said “Look, the Kai Tais are out early tonight!!” Now this could have been that the speaker fancied a bit of mid-run slap and tickle, which would be possible if the chicks with dicks were indeed out early , or it could have been a reference to the two Harriets in question looking like a couple of blokes in drag. Who knows? I can only say that Black Widow got a down down. Give the girl a note.
Mystery Whip: Strapless invited Magoo in to ask him if he was back running with the Lion City this week because tomorrow is erection day!! In which case he must be out to poke!! He then had Bagless 2’s better half in, Jasmine, to ask why she was running. She replied that if he doesn’t come neither does she, but if is able to come, she always makes an effort to come as well. Looks like you have made a very good choice there Bagless 2 my friend, and I think there could possibly be a name in there for young Jasmine. “Why were they born so beautiful.................?”
He then had Cock Radio and Tiger Lily in. She had already left to deal with poor Mr. Potato Head who needed some tender loving care so Too Dry came in as a look a like. The story goes that as the two of them were running towards to old haunted hospital they were seen holding hands. Maybe Tiger Lily is afraid of things that go bump in the night! A word of congratulations to Cock Radio as there are not many people who can keep up with Tiger Lily long enough to hold hands with her!! He did say later that the extra effort needed had left him a bit stiff. No pain no gain, but well done for a bloody good effort. Give the hand holders a note.
Mystery Mystery Whip: Black Widow came in and gave Dickless a drink for stealing her thunder, or was it her charge? Anyway the birthday boy got another drink.
It was a very good run for shortcutting as the trail never went too far away from home. Black Widow had been spending a bit of quality time with Bloodshit when they managed to pull off shortcut of the century. This little number actually managed to get them ahead of the FRB’s so they had to do a bit of the trail backwards to meet up with the pack. At this point Bloodshit decides to start running, looking for all the world like a Front Running Dreamer, ON ON.
Next she had the sharp, stylish, suave and very debonair Peeking Ong in the circle. Her only comment being,” Nice ponytail, it covers up your bald spot!!” She then told Bloodshit that he should try it, he replied that he had tried it but Peeking Ong wouldn’t stand still for long enough for it to cover his bald spot!!
Next in Stiffy, she’d heard Not Tonight saying to some of the girls that she only likes guys who are 6ft 4, What about Stiffy? And is she shagging Cock Radio? When questioned about his height, Cock Radio had asked if there was anything else she wanted to measure. He was hoping that his smaller than average feet would make her think he had a storm trooper of a John Thomas hidden away down there. Not a chance, Black Widow is a lady who has been around enough to know what’s what!! She wasn’t fooled for a moment!! Give the small foot a note.
Awards: Ripper and Squire both picked up a massive 750 run award each. Word has it that they got their last awards together as well, they must always come together. “One black one, one white one and one with a bit of.........................................”
AOB: The Grand Master had the Grand Mattress in for virginity related charge. Last week was his first week running the show and he was hoping that someone with a bit of experience would have given him a hand. Oh no, Shoe Shopper went swaning off to Sri Lanka with one of the Committee members for a long weekend. Not only that but she phoned him up at 11.49 when he was all tucked up in bed, to ask how it went!! “All Australians are born illegitimate...................................”
Ditch had Black Widow in for a fine example of all that is wrong with female drivers....she couldn’t put it in straight. Ditch; if you want a job doing properly, put it in yourself!!
The Dick was back from Sri Lanka and Stiffy proudly held aloft the “Tamil Tiger”. Stiffy then mentioned that the Lion City seems to becoming a bit of a geriatrics Hash these days with a lot of the old boys having to have a sit down after the run. These included Machine, Peeking Ong, Strapless and Boob A Lube. If they have to sit down after the run, what happens when they get home? A night of rampant passion doesn’t seem on the cards. What about their poor women? What will they do? Would a nice stiff plastic dick help them? Stiffy seemed to think so. ON IN; Big Head, Chicken Shit and G String. (Hungry Bum has already had enough of geriatrics and has gone to Thailand!!). Looking at the three of them, G String had the biggest smile and gets to take the Dick home. Machine you can relax, you’re off the hook, for a week anyway.
SiquaMan had Wet Patch in for forgetting that he had all the keys in his car.
Shaggy Dick Too had Ditch and Black Widow in; Ditch had asked her if she wanted him to move it around!!
Black Widow had Big Hammer in for doing a not to convincing Darth Vader impression, she was hoping he was going to use “The Dark Force” on her, but he had a drink instead!
Peeking Ong and Stash were a bit worried about what a couple of the boys were wearing, which is a bit of a worry in itself!! Rule number 1 “No pufters”. The offenders were Stiffy for wearing a Monday Hash t shirt and Wet Patch for wearing nice shoes.
ON ON: The ON ON was a superb bash over the road. Fine Indian Cuisine washed down with a few free beers courtesy of the birthday boy and served by buxom scantily clad maidens. Dickless even had a lap dance from a young vixen flow in from the Middle East especially for the Hash. Great stuff and Happy Birthday Dickless.
On on Shaggy Dick Too.
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