Coo Chi Coo’s Birthday Run
Hares: Coo Chi Coo & No Good
Location: Top of Jurong Hill Park (or the summit of Mount Jurong as it’s now known)
The run went downhill from the very start. At the bottom of the hill we were guided through some of Singapore’s most scenic abandoned properties, and past hundreds of old trailers. There were lots of marshy fields of tall grass connecting roads through the industrial section. I wouldn’t be surprised if one day this area is known as the birthplace of dengue fever. At one point we passed the Jurong Crocodile and Reptile Paradise, one of the few places where you can actually see a bunch of old crocs in their natural habitat, not counting the ones your find in the hash circle, of course. Oh, and then there was the hill. Not content to lay the trail on the gradually rising roadway, our hares felt it was necessary to take us up the steepest part of the slope. This not only provided quite a good test of one’s heart rate monitor, but it also allowed us to scrape a few layers of skin off our noses on the way up.
Good run, only one hill.
Miau (no cat jokes please)
Not Big Enough, Slippery Bum, Father Anus, Paul Kendall
Amy, Pussy Lifter, Shoeless
Coo Chi Coo – Asked the circle if anybody can see Noah? He pointed out that the newsletter had referred to Jurong Hill Park as being next to the “Bird Ark”. Another newsletter error: at the on-on there is to be free sake for the girls, the newsletter says sake and sushi. Since the charge is directed at the absent Jackoff, a look alike is required - on in Ayam Kampong. “Hear’s two the pruffreders, there bastids thru & thru.”
For committing the act of spending an aimless 50 Friday nights with LCHHH , CumPuss is amply rewarded with a swell T-shirt.
No Good – encountered two Pauls (Slack Arse & Paul Kendall) who spent the entire run following her as she was the co-hare. So for being lazy bastards and not “runnin’ the fookin’ hash” they deserved to be publicly pissed on.
Mystery Mystery Whip:
Peeking Ong – Explained to us how a recent exchange of emails led to his being the Mystery Mystery Whip and also provided him with a new insight about how women treat men these days. The first email was wonderful, all sweetness and light, it even contained a “Ken baby” and a couple of “pleases”. But, having not responded immediately, the second email took a decidedly different tone, containing two fucks (bad) and a couple of political references (really bad). At that point, he accepted. In the last email the writer returned to the charming, pleasant Miss Sunshine who had sent the first note. Comes Quietly is asked “how do you put up with this?, as Shoe Shopper is called into the circle for male abuse (or is that email abuse)?
Next charge: Peeking Ong notes that he has been hashing for 18 years, and in all that time there’s one thing he’s never done, and that is to be so far off trail that he’s had to take a taxi back. That was the case until last Monday. Two factors were identified as the cause of this. First, the hare should never set a run that close to a bike hash trail. The bike hashes are much longer than a running hash, and once you get on to that trail it takes you for quite a distance. In this case the distance was a $9.00 taxi fare. A look alike for Monday’s hare, Machine, is called in. Pussy Lifter lifts the down-down for his fellow country man. The second factor was Strapless “I am the human GPS” who really just turns out to be a hopeless bastard that got him lost.
Showing a remarkable memory, Peeking Ong takes the occasion of Coo Chi Coo’s birthday to recall a very big event on his hash calendar (a chorus of “get a life” is heard). He asks the circle: “How Many of you remember Coo Chi Coo’s run in JB at Mechinta about 15 years ago?” Four brave souls step forward and ‘fess up: Astronut, Poser, Impossible and Aye Aye. Coo Chi Coo is recognized for being memorable.
Prick of the Week:
After being MIA last week, Maggott has returned to bestow the trophy erectus on a deserving hasher. He first calls in Magoo, then asks him to invite Skidmark in as well. A compelling case is made for Skidmark to receive The Prick for being a sad bastard because he belongs to, or has belonged to, or is a former GM or committee member of every hash in Singapore. But he is waved off. A more deserving candidate exists. Magoo is cited for not running in a hash shirt, as well presuming to correct Maggott for improper “check etiquette” during the run. Since Magoo knew that Maggott was in possession of The Prick he is given the award because he should never say anything provocative to the one holding The Prick, how dumb is that?
All the birthday boys are called in: Coo Chi Coo, Father Anus and Running Shit, a fairly ragged medley of “Happy Birthday” and “Why Were They Born” follows.
Saliva calls in Shoeless who has been distributing flyers for the Seletar Hash’s Royal Flush D+D that is to be held on a FRIDAY night. We’re not going!! Friday night, get it?
Yours truly makes a cameo appearance in the circle to announce the LCHHH D+D that is, of course, NOT on a Friday night. We’re no dummies, we can read a calendar. Members are encouraged to sign up before October 21 to take advantage of the discounted price of $85 / $95 for guests. After October 21, the regular price of $100/$110 will apply.
Loose Change calls in Coo Chi Coo for making unsupportive comments (bad mouthing) the D+D during the previous announcement.
Coo Chi Coo tells us about Running Shit trying to remember the name of an animated movie he had recently seen. He just couldn’t remember the title he said, but it was about a family of superheroes, and the father was this big fat bastard with a mask wearing tights. Coo Chi Coo recognized the movie as “The Incredibles”, and not only that, he saw Mr. Incredible on the run. On-in Paul - Coo Chi Coo then realizes it is not PC to refer to him as Mr. Incredible.
Stash charges Peking Ong for obviously running the wrong run on Monday night, because according to the newsletter the run was only 6.5K. How could it have taken him so long?
Loose Change charges Coo Chi Coo for bringing Sally-the-dog to the hash. But, but, but…it wasn’t Coo Chi Coo at all, it was Barbarian who did that, so in a rude turning of tables, Loose Change gets the down-down.
Last charge of the night: Coo Chi Coo adds insult-to-insult by calling in Loose Change and dings her for mixing him up with a fat ugly bastard.
We went on-on to the Japanese Teriyaki restaurant on the hilltop. It was a very pleasant change of pace for the hash. The food was great.
On-on, Herr Zipp
On-Back to Weekly Scribe Reports Index.
On-Back to Lion City HHH homepage.