THE “OHHHHHH SHIT” RUN.
Hares: Running Shit, Chicken Shit, Dog Shit, Shit Fit.
Location: Kent Ridge Park.
The Run: Yes it’s that time off year again and the Shit family had got together to send us on a trot round the jungles of The Kent Ridge Park. The Shits made good use of the facilities, though there were a couple of stretches where the pack was lined up one at a time and a few poor souls were getting a bit desperate. There were some nice bits where those who needed to could really let rip. The hares had very thoughtfully even provided a number 1 and a number 2 run. As all shits usually do, the number 2s ended up down the drain for a rather painful five minute effort to finish off what was all in all a very satisfying job. Well done hares, another Shit run!
The Verdict: Shit run, Shit run, too many Shits, that run gave me the Shits etc, etc, etc. Well what did you expect!
Virgins: Theo and Jessica.
Visitors: Spank My Monk, Blue Balls, Laila, Temporary Erection, Winger.
Returnees: Iron Crotch, Shaggy Dick Too, Shit Fit, Big Hammer, Dickless, Sperm, Bagless 2, Malfunction,
After a bit of pissing about Slocum managed to get his shit together, pulled the chain, and got the circle into some semblance of order.
Hare Whip: Usually setting runs together builds bonds between hashers rather like soldiers coming back from war, not so it seemed with the Shit Family. Dog Shit took responsibility and charged fellow hare Shit Fit. It turned out there had been a little bit of confusion and Shit fit had been laying the trail in the wrong direction. This meant that the rest of the hares had to come along behind him and clean up his mess, they recon it took them about an hour to undo his handiwork. Does anyone know Bob Stains? It must have been hard work; let’s hope they had plenty of toilet paper. Please Shit Fit, learn your lesson and don’t go around making a mess in public. So the rest of the hares didn’t get the early finish they were hoping for and they all got the shits with one of the Shits.
Shit Fit then returned the charge and brought in the other Shits. His excuse was that between them they couldn’t agree on what they had agreed on and that his trail was perfectly alright and that no cleaning up was needed. Good to see the Shits all getting on so well. Down Down for the bloody lot of them. “They aught to be nailed to the Shit House………..”
Mystery Whip: It seemed that Stiff had got all excited last week after hearing that a few of our lady Hashers were being left on their own for a while by their better halves, and who knows, could even be available for a bit of ON ON! Our friend Stiffy was one of those who would be missing. With this in mind off Stiff went for a rare visit to the Harriet’s run to see if Not Tonight needed a bit of company on the run! Who should he see when he got to the run? None other than Stiffy himself. With a big smile Stiffy said to Stiff, “Never let the wife know exactly when you’re coming home, nudge nudge wink wink” If only he knew. So poor old Stiff was stiffed by Stiffy and it was definitely not tonight from Not Tonight, better luck next time. ON IN Stiffy and Not Tonight.
Next he wanted to give a charge to the radially challenged on the hash. Some in the circle were a bit confused until the whisper went around….. “He means fat bastards”
Proving that the average IQ of a hasher is slightly greater than 24 he explained that if you increase the circumference you also increase the radius. One of our hash friends, who shall remain anonymous, had told Stiff that he’d managed to lose 2 inches. He hadn’t actually lost them but apparently a little less bulge around the middle means that you can get those last couple of inches in, for the greater enjoyment of all. So lose a bit of weight and gain a couple of inches, sounds good! For more information please see Stiff’s new website at lessfatmorepork.com. For some reason Sherpa had a down down!
Ripper was on a roll by this stage and there was no stopping the man. “Who always turns up to the Hash with a big smug grin on his face that makes him look like he’s thinking,”Hey, I’m getting head and you’re not”?” he asked the circle. ON IN Slocum, “Here’s to the lucky one he’s true blue”
Mystery Mystery Whip: Big Head’s first job was to bring Stiff in for being too bloody good and using all the charges up.
Before the run Big Head had been doing her usual bit of warming up, bending over to touch her toes in those skin tight little shorts she wears, ...........wow it’s hot in here!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway while she was doing this she noticed a couple of our Hasher/ballerinas talking to each other and demonstrating their own little warming up moves. ON IN Malfunction and Hooray, give us a twirl boys!! “Here’s to the flexible ones ………”
She then decides that Malfunction can stay in the circle. He’d not only short cut around one of the steepest climbs of run but when Big Head made it to the top he was there, camera in hand, taking a few snaps of her as she mounted the summit, so to speak. Maybe his hash name was flasher in a previous life. Mind you with a name like Malfunction it makes you wonder if the camera works at all.
Finally she brings in Spank My Monk. What a fantastic Hash name. Imagine the hours of fun you could have at parties;
“Hi, I’m Felicity, what’s your name?”
“SPANK MY MONK”………………….ON ON and Run The Fucking Hash!
Anyway S.M.M had just overtaken Big Head in the drain, he was charging along but bouncing from one side of the drain to the other, he just couldn’t make his mind up which way to do it. Poor Big Head just wanted him to decide which way round he wanted it, a girl needs to know these sorts of things so she knows what to expect. “Here’s to the undecided he’s true blue”
Ripper had noticed that there is a difference between the running styles of the local and the expat Hashers. Rippers Law states that “expats manage to pick their feet up when they run whereas locals just drag them”. All except for…. of course Slocum, he’s obviously been here too long and is going native on us. Maybe it’s all that head he’s been getting!
Next in Black Widow who proudly shows off the cap that she got on the Shit Family run a couple of years ago, maybe she still has it because she’s never taken it off!! Anyway she was explaining how she was moving house earlier in the week and asked Hand Job to come round to help her. When she arrived Hand Job asked if she could get changed. She didn’t come out wearing a set of overalls but the skimpiest t shirt and shorts a man could dream about, even the infamous Black Widow was getting horney. “Here’s to the underdressed….”
By the way Hand Job, I’m thinking of moving a couple of chairs around in the kitchen this week, any chance you could come over and give me a hand!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shoe Shopper then brings in Pubic Zipp who had got so hot that she either needed a fan or a blow job to cool her down!!!! Herr Zipp says he turns the A.C. on full when he wants a good night’s sleep!
Finally Stiff wants to bring Magoo in for disappearing off with his daughter. We were wondering what he was doing with a shot gun on the hash! Down down Magoo then run like hell.
ON ON: Mr. Ho’s famous BBQ with apple pie and ice cream with a beautiful view of the oil works.
On on: Shaggy Dick Too.
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