The Impossibly Long Run
Hares: Cunt Dracula, Impossible and Too Good.
Run-Site: The National Stadium, car park F.
With the National Stadium in the background it’s possible that our hares thought that they were involved in the organization of some sort of Olympic marathon event. Judging from the tire tracks in the sand a lot of this run had been set from the seat of a bike. Judging from the amount of tarmac on the first half of the run the rest could have been set from the seat of a car!
The first part of the run took us round the houses, up and down the alleyways, back and forth across a few main roads leading the pack out towards the East Coast. A couple of wicked checks had the FRB’s covering extra ground giving others a chance to catch up. Some people just love running so much that they will run and run and run for a few Km’s and then realize that they have been off trail for the last 20 minutes. Without stopping to catch a breath they turn around head back to the pack and are back in front within minutes. Tiger Lilly you need to get your eyes tested.
The second half of the run took the pack out to the beach on the East Coast. At this point it had become a full on run. Long straight stretches of running which totally split the pack apart. It was great to have sand under your feet and a breeze coming off the sea. We then hit the mouth of the estuary and had a fantastic view of the sun setting behind the skyline of Singapore. From here it was on in via a long march home. The FRB’s loved a chance to put it in top gear and feel the wind in their hair. Tiger Lilly, Speedy Tits and Kamikaze led the charge home. The pack was spread out across several square Km’s by now and the beer wagon had stray pups returning in various states of exhaustion for the next 40 minutes or so.
The Verdict: The highlight was certainly the Singapore skyline sunset. Too short, too many hills and the pack were too spread out. It was one of those runs that the runners love but others get left behind with the darkness creeping in. On the whole a good effort.
Cunt Dracula, Impossible and Too good into the circle for well deserved down downs.
Visitors: Stripper, Aileen, Ben, Bethany, Saru, Ferry, Malfunction, Laurence.
It was noted the Malfunction did his down down armed with three other bottles of beer, who’s a thirsty boy then. Gypsy lost all control and gave one of the girls a hug, nice to see him making people feel really welcome on the hash. Have you had your three hugs a day? If not please see Gypsy.
Virgins: Tan Boon Soo, Ranjeeta.
Returnees: Kamikaze, Ditch.
Kamikaze then graced the circle to give the assembled faithful more information about up and coming runs than they have had in a life time. There is a Doggy Hash somewhere, sometime, a camping trip to Malaysia next week and a Solstice run in June in Bali. Kamikaze you need your own website! Has he got verbal diarrhea or just a bad case of the runs?
Hare whip: Impossible brings in Sybil, he tells a nice little tale of them walking along hand in hand in a rather quiet and secluded part of the run. Sybil apparently cried “Don’t leave me, there could be strange men around” (This is the Hash, there are usually many strange, bent and twisted characters around). It turns out that Cunt Dracula and Impossible had both been a bit worried doing the recce and were very happy to have Sybil around for a bit of protection. Hmmmm.
Vibrator , who was doing his recce for the Sunday Hash met up with the Hares and realized they were both doing the same run. Unlucky, but such is life. Down down.
Vibrator leaves the circle with a farewell, “Sunday 5.30, Katong Park, same run as tonight, ON ON at the Paramount Hotel”. GOOD choice, “There is a house in Singapore…………………it’s been the ruin of many a poor boy and lord I know I’m one”.
Saliva was then called in for sending anonymous and slanderous letters to rid the Island of a fine vibrator. “Here’s to the Snitch she’s true blue…”
At this point Bushy was concerning herself with Ayam Kampong’s knickers, ladies, decorum please.
Mystery Whip: Stash tells the circle about the 300th bike hash piss up, and the fact that a certain biker didn’t turn up on the Lion City hash the night before, spent 2 hours sitting at a table trying to eat his lunch apparently pissed as a fart. Not only this but the following Monday he had to sent poor old Stash a voluminous e-mail explaining his recent behavior, ON IN Barbarian.
There is a saying that the only difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about 3 weeks. With Waitangi Day on his mind, Cock eyed seemed to have been the victim off a rather savage sheep shearing experiment. The other possibility being that the hairdresser was a really cute little lassie and Cock eyed just couldn’t pull himself away and so had to have that little bit more off!
It’s only three months since Machine and G String tied the knot but Stash caught Machine creeping around the car park with a worried and determined look on his face, “what are you up to” asked Stash, “just looking for the Boss” replied Machine, “Here’s to the pussy whipped he’s true blue”.
At this stage Stash was on a role and there was no stopping the lad. A very experienced hasher was seen to have brought a GPS with him to the hash. The funny thing being that this particular hasher and Machine got off trail, and missed out the whole beach loop which was definitely the best part of the run. When someone asked Strapless why his Machine didn’t work he explained that the batteries were flat. One Strapless, Two Machines and they still got off paper.
Titmouse was then called in for talking to a virgin.
Cock eyed came in to explain about the run next week which is on Sentosa. Barbarian asked if we will be going off the island, Cock eyed replied by saying it depends on who you meet. Good reply, nice haircut.
At this point Bushy was having a bit of a problem with her plastic cups she said they were stuck together, Barbarian, always on hand with a few words of wisdom explained “you need to take them out before you pull them”. Very good advice.
AOB: Ripper comes in to tell us about some new proof he has that all Chinamen have small Dicks. He had been reading an article in quality newspaper that told of a company in Taiwan that made condoms to order. The most popular size being 4.2 inches. Ripper, thanks for that piece of incredibly useful information. On in Boo to take a down down for all Chinamen.
Barbarian calls in Not Tonight for her comment “I like it firm”, Not Tonight does a very good Barbarian impersonation, (A very good one).
Barbarian then brings in Dogshit for a very impressive wobbly fence dance that could have ended in tears. The fence will not take that sort of weight.
Aye Aye has a very serious charge to deal with. He brings in the two males hares, one of whom is a very senior Lion City member. He reminds his flock that the first rule for hares is to keep the pack together. This was not the case and after every twist and turn and check around and check back Aye Aye was left looking at the rear end of Bully. How demoralizing for a hasher!
Titmouse needed an Ozzy for his little story, on in Bully, there’s no rest for the wicked. A long time ago Titmouse knew a young and buxom lass who had a saying,
“Long and thin won’t go in, but short and thick does the trick” Who did she used to say this to Titmouse?
Gypsy with a final charge. At one point we were running around an area often frequented by ladies of negotiable affection, (This was pointed out to me by one of our more senior members) Ripper was running along when one of the cheeky young maidens saw him and with a look of joy on her face shouted hello Mr. Dave. ON IN.
ON ON: Somewhere on the East Coast.
On on: Shaggy Dick Too.
On-Back to Weekly Scribe Reports Index.
On-Back to Lion City HHH homepage.