Run No: 1116
When: 9th January, 03
Where: Swiss Club Road
Occasion: Phoney Dicks Birthday Run
Hares: Phoney Dick, SloCum
Mystery Whip: JackOff
Mystery2 Whip: BloodShit
Total Guests: 18
On-On: Red Lantern
Next Week’s Hares: Armless, Indecent Exposure, Astronut, and Poser
On in Grandmaster: What did we think of tonight’s run, “a
40 Min run” shouts Boo, good run
but very short. Another car park fuck up, car registrations taken and even the
odd photograph. “The Gestapo on trikes” shouts Stash (knew I could count
on him to give us his tuppence worth). So the beef was that they “The
Gestapo” thought we might stain the new tarmac with shampoo or soap, shit it’s
all made from surfactants (Surfactants Solubilize and emulsify grease and tough
road grime and is used by Road cleaning firms throughout the world) what a bunch
of Muppets and these guys are driving around on Trikes covered in 7 colours of
shit. Give Phoney Dick & SloCum a down down.
Next weeks run: On in Armless, next weeks run is at Ubin (so how the fuck will the Pfizer Viagra lads get from Tuas to Changi then a bumboat to Ubin and all before 1800 hrs). It’s a tee shirt run (obviously Astronaut must be involved, every run he does has a tee shirt attached, shit he must be loaded). So guess what, last Sunday Armless was on the bike hash at Ubin, his first one in 5 years and I thought he was there to take part, shit he was doing a reccie for his Fri hash, ulterior motives no doubt. Give him a virtual down down
Where is No Problem? Kiasu is struggling on the drinks table and he even has a look alike in Strapless to fuck it all up.
Visitors: Hash Bitch (he left early to have dinner with a shirt lifter called Denis, Fag Sucker stood in for him, by the way he is off the smokes so a name change might be in order) Give way, Octopussy, Forrest Dump.
Returnees: Airborne, Mumbles, Legless (he has a “Vagina accepted here” Visa card type logo shirt on, looking at him I’d say it’s been an age since any Pussy has taken him up on his offer)
New Members: Scott, “he’s a Monday Wanker” hollers Mother Mary. On in Strapless as a look-alike.
Talking in the Circle, our Grandmaster is not a happy camper, on in Phoney Dick and he gives us a rendition of “Mr Tamborine Man”. “Hey Mister Tambourine man play a song for me I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to” (he even has a Tambourine, so is there a Mr Tamborine man on the hash???)
Give them all a Down Down.
Phoney Dick wanted to take a snap of the hash troupe from the top of the Embankment at the Turf Club, so while the hash were totally stumped on the first check, off he went to prepare for the shoot, however when he looked in his real view mirror who happened to be up his exhaust pipe but Double Back driving her 4 wheel drive with a big stupid grin on her face. So PD got out and asked her what was up, ‘Nothing’ she said ‘who better to follow but the hare to the run site” Give her a big I’m lost Down Down.
Birthday boys: On in Phoney Dick and Gecko, on in Mother Mary and Dirty Hacker 14th anniversary of their union (so we are still waiting for the Pitter Patter of little feet Dirty Hacker to cement “The Marriage” so get your skates on kid)
Mystery Whip: Velcro twin Jackoff: On in Indecent Exposure looks like she had trouble finding Swiss Club Rd as well, GPS for her next Christmas, give her a Down Down.
Ok so what’s up now, Chastity Belt has his arm wrapped tightly around his wife’s waist and he’s not leaving go, it just looks so Velcro like. Why is she yawning so much?
Mystery Whip Cont: On in Fag Sucker, Limp Member and Phone Sex, so the story goes that in a little Sleepy Hollow in Southern Ireland there is a chemical plant that manufactures Viagra and the Fumes or off gases from the plant is driving the local’s sex mad. So this plant happens to be where the Irish Hash gang hail from. The women of the tiny village are having a hard time keeping pace with their men’s demands, as they say down there “one sniff and they’re stiff “ Guys are running past the Plant on the way home from work taking in big gulps of air then running their wives and girlfriends up to the bedroom for the “Brace yourself Bridget” session. So fellow male hashers over thirty (practically everyone) these are the hard questions you must ask yourselves.
· How do you rate your confidence that you could get and keep an erection?
· When you had erections with sexual stimulation, how often would your erection be hard enough for penetration of your partner?
· During sexual intercourse how often are you able to maintain your erection after you have penetrated your partner?
· How difficult is it to maintain your erection to completion of intercourse.
One in three males suffer from Erectile Dysfunction, it could be you. We’ll have some trial Viagra packs at Ubin on Fri and don’t worry you will have total anonymity; your secret will be safe with us. So if you want some just see Limp Member (at the front of the beer truck during the circle) he suffers savage from it. Give the Irish Studs a Down Down
Mystery Mystery Whip: On in Blood-Shit, so he starts ranting and raving on about why we got lost on the start of the hash at the first check. Turns out he saw Speedy Tits picking up all of the toilet paper and heading off in the opposite direction to the trail, so he decided to follow her and see what the scoop was. Well lo and behold as he jumped a ditch he was confronted by a big white hairy hole and a wad of toilet paper, caught her in “Dump Mode” give Speedy Tits a Big Dump Down Down and remember this little ditty for future reference when you feel the need to go on a Hash.
“In days of old when nights were cold and paper wasn’t invented.
They wiped their ass with fists of grass and walked away contented”
So don’t fuck up the trail again Speedy Tits
On in Double Back relating to an earlier charge, map tips for her
· Locate your current position
· Locate your destination
· Plan your route
So suddenly and after 20 years of hashing she discovers that map reading in cars is even easier if you rotate your map in the direction you are travelling. Give her a big down down.
So now Chastity Belt has both arms and one leg wrapped around his good wife and her yawns are getting wider and much more frequent.
On in Indecent Exposure and Jack Off, the run site was not on Swiss Club Rd but on Swiss Club Link. Half the Foukin hash went left instead of straight on, Well-done Phoney Dick Give them a down down.
On in Grandmaster with a shirt for Quickie, 350 runs give her a down down. So Grandmaster recounts a story about her very first run, back in the wilder days of the hash (brown paper bags over the head days) apparently on the very first back check she (Quickie) disappeared in a bush and the whole episode was done and dusted before the check was broken, apparently the assailant didn’t suffer from Erectile Dysfunction more like Premature Ejaculation. A quickie in every sense of the word!!! Give her a down down.
Mother Mary wants to go skiing to Switzerland, what’s happening in the circle.
Still no sign of No Problem, his look-alike Strapless is struggling and Kiasu looks anxious, I wonder why?
On in Indecent Exposure with a charge, a certain Singaporean member of the hash cannot go to Ubin on Fri because he doesn’t have a passport. Now we all know that Ubin is part of Singapore and there is no border crossing. On in Kiasu for a down down. (Wonder does he have a criminal record? watch this space)
On in CCC, “Oral sex will be legal in Singapore soon and I can’t wait” (well seeing that his Missus Too Good is all banged up we can understand why he is so ecstatic about this becoming law) It would rightly piss him off if the powers that be drag their heels on this issue because if so then he might be back to banging his wife’s box again. Presently he has about a 200 Barg backpressure in his system and God help anyone who has to “Swallow” that. So on in Boo and don’t fuck up this bill, push it thru as quick as you can. Give Boo a down down.
On In Ayum Kampong, “Its great to have Oral sex it makes her thin (wonder what mirror she is using or maybe she is using “Rose Tinted Glasses”) Turns out there is only 1 cal per mouthful, unless of course you are feeding off CCC's member and then you’ll get your lungs full and die from drowning so you wont have to worry about being fat or thin. So on on to Ayum Kampong and her “Diet Cum” or “One Cal Cum” Give her a down down. CCC wants some more tips but he wants them from Chris (I wonder why?)
On in the Grandmaster he is getting trigger happy and wants the “On On” Shit the Irish are hoovering down the beer now, Astronaut is giving Kiasu the “cut your throat signal” and Strapless is nowhere to be seen.
On in Fag Sucker he’s not a happy camper, turns out he forked out 260 Sing dollars to join the Hash and he was not given the new member down down. It transpires that if you are Irish then you must get a security clearance thru Interpol, this could take months. Give Bushy a Down Down.
On in Not Tonight (or any nite going by the look of rejection on Stiffy’s face) On in Speedy Tits (everyone is dumping on her tonight) and Ad Nauseam, turns out they broke a check but didn’t shout On On, Not Tonight was witness to this heinous act of “Hash Treason” but she saved the day and shouted On On as the partners in crime sloped off into the setting sun. Give them a Down Down (and to think we held back to let Speedy Tits bring the pack on home) something is rotten in the State of Denmark, this lady needs a bit more watching.
Sex Pit wins 50 bucks for staying out of the Wed and Fri circle, the beer is on her.
“On On On On” Phone Sex
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