Run No.            1063/4

When               17 & 24 January 2003

Where              Malayan Railway Station and Jln. Kampung Chantek

Hares               White Chinaman & HareCut and CooChiCoo, Indy & company

Occasion          WC Man’s Revenge and Oz Day Run

Members           44 and 46

Virgins              1 and 3

Visitors             4 and 2

Circle Report

ChasTITyBelt seemed a bit distracted that afternoon, seems his wallet went walk-about earlier that day and he spent most of the afternoon trying to convince DBS, Amex, the Traffic Police etc. that they should act without haste in cancelling and reissuing all the lost stuff that accompanied his wallet.  Don’t worry about it CB. I say, you started out with nothing, and you still have most of that left!  A week later CB was back and looking refreshed from a weeks holiday in sunny Phuket.  Sorry to have to break the news to you CB…No we didn’t catch the wallet thief, but yes, it was bright and sunny in SG the whole week you were gone with nary a drop a rain.

There’s a lot of material in my notes to go over.  2 weeks worth so I’ll do my best to capture it all here:

1063 - Hares, Grand Mistress (LC), virgins, rowdy wymin, harewhip/WC Man, Stiffy, Octopussy, SkidMark, Boo, Stash, New Member, Speedytits, then CB & LC about Bastard From The Bush, then MW: JackOff, cheap assed Andi the visitor, WC Man, Boo, the Germans, LC about the Irish, PhoneSex, Sexpit, ComesInTurd, PamdorasBox(200), Boo got Astronut, then LC and Sybil and Indecent Exposure, DownUnder, PD Box again, NiceBagless, PhoneSex again, Webster, CB again looking for bankers etc, Armless…DBS, Bush, the Germans from the South, Boo again, Astronut, Poser2? PhoneyDick, JackOff again, then Not Tonight.

1064 – Hares, Grand Mistress (LC), virgins, rowdy wymin, seems to be a pattern, next weeks hare: Mr. T, harewhip: CCC, Indy,  all the blondes, GM, Indy, MW: UglyBum, RooningShit, Strapless, the virgin, Ling, DeathWishIV, Quad organizers, MMW????Ripper, LC hauled Jason in, SlackArse, Big Knob? Jack Off, AyeAye, Robbie Burns, LC, Indy again, Not Tonight & SlackArse. It was all in that order too…How’s that?

And now, since this is a newsletter, some news and stuff from the world of hashing:

Hashers' Reaction to Controversial Gispert
Ruling Generally Hostile – 16 Jan. 2003

San Francisco (AP) The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals today ruled that American members of the Hash House Harriers cannot be compelled to say the name (or nickname) of their founder, A. S. Gispert, aka "G," with reverence. "Reverence implies worship," said Federal Magistrate Charles MacIntosh Baumerich, "and worship is religion. If you can require members of this clearly non-religious group to speak one name above all others in tones of reverence, why, you might as well ask Americans to drop their voice one octave when saying 'George Washington,' or force members of the International Order of Odd Fellows to kneel when uttering Thomas Wildey's name.

The court's ruling, as expected, was met with howls of protest from American hashers (as Hash House Harriers are informally known), who vow to continue speaking Gispert's name with reverence. Several U.S. Hash House Harrier groups have announced plans to erect shrines to G's memory. "It just ain't right," Rumson (New Jersey) hasher Gil Jackson declared, as he carefully placed an empty can of beer in front of a framed black and white photo of Gispert, "them bastards have gone too far." "Fuckin' A," replied fellow Rumsonite Robert Reid, after leading a ragtag hash choir in an off-key rendition of Swing Low, Sweet Chariot: "Who says we ain't harrrrrrrrugh . . ." excusing himself as he succumbed to a racking violent fifteen-minute coughing spasm, hawking up at least a quart of discolored blood-flecked phlegm before sinking weakly to his knees, grimly clutching this reporter's arm with a talon-like, liver-spotted hand. "Ah Christ," he whispered between post-spasm wheezes, "I gotta quit jerkin' off so fuckin' much."

Reaction around the world has been mixed. "This just goes to show Americans have completely lost trail," said prominent Asian hasher Dirty Dingus {Hacker?} of Singapore. "Why, in this part of the world," Mr. Dingus went on, "G is right up there with Buddha." In Europe, a hastily organized committee of hashers has been formed to carefully vet Gispert's background and ancestry. "As soon as we can verify G was not Jewish (nothing against Judaism)," said a Eurohash spokesman, "we will resume a full worship schedule." In Goa, India, where the world hash community recently held its biennial "interhash" convention, the American court's ruling - and American hashing in general - was greeted with scorn: "The situation is risible," said interhash organizer James Waddell, "proving without a doubt that the Yanks can never be trusted with positions of leadership within the hash," as his voice was gradually drowned out by a chorus of horned expatriates in Viking costumes singing "spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam. . . ."

Now that January 1 New Year is over and the Chinese New Year is about to begin I’ve decided to share some resolutions you can try for yourselves in the event you have either forgotten to make any, or just can’t think one up.  Pick one:

·        Hare more often. The one thing hashes always need is more hares, and I've got plenty of experience. Besides, it's fun . . . even more fun than being a member of the pack. Along with that resolution, I promise to:

·        Keep trails away from civilization as much as possible. Singapore Inc. don’t like us and people are still freaking out over terrorism, seeing anthrax in every blob of flour and coded messages to Al Qaeda in every chalk mark. If there's a way to keep trail away from streets and sidewalks, that's what I'll do.

·        Enlist inexperienced co-hares and teach them well. They'll only hare as well as we teach them, and like I said, I have a lot of experience. Along with that experience, I believe, come responsibilities.

·        Keep trails simple and well-marked. This year I renounce fancy, clever trails. The only hasher who appreciates an elegant double-rat's ass rope-a-dope with three false leads and a mile-long backcheck is . . . the hare who laid it.

·        Consider the weather. Where we live it gets hot enough to kill people. Keep trails reasonably short (1 hour) and provide water and beer checks if possible.

·        Respect private and govt. property. Not so much out of a sense of respect for property owners, but out of respect for the poor DFLs who'll have to confront those property owners long after the ON hollering pack has charged through.

·        Pick good runsites. that means a degree of privacy.  Try to at least try to find an area with plenty of bushes for privacy.  Also try to stay away from housing areas where residents might complain about noise and nudity.

·        Pick good on-on locations. On-on’s are part of trail planning and variety is appreciated. Find a good hash-friendly pub or eatery within reasonable distance.

·        Help guide the hash. Basically, I'm talking about providing adult leadership when it's needed. Too many experienced old-timers pack it up and sneak away when the hash gets crazy. I believe that with hash experience come responsibilities. I've done my share of mismanagement and don't need to do that again . . . but old-timers can use their influence to help keep things on track.

·        Stop stupid hash names. I'll do whatever I can to prevent my fellow hashers from giving people gratuitously filthy names for no apparent reason. The world hasn't run out of clever, meaningful hash names. I'll just have to try to get my friends to think a little harder.

·        Stop singling out individuals for repeated down-downs . . . if they're drinking alcohol, that is! Along with this, I'll try to help the GM(s) keep their focus during down-downs, so that ceremonies don't go on too long. Drink driving charges are bad enough for the individuals involved . . . if the cops ever found our home page and figured out that there may be 30 or 40 drunks driving home from the hash for every one they randomly stop, well, it won't be long before the stops aren't random.

·        Keep hashing quiet. Actually, taking the hash back underground (where it belongs) has been a resolution of mine for the past several years now but it hurts membership. Still, we don't need the publicity!

·        Help hashers appreciate hashing. One of the best ways to do that is to encourage them to take road trips. Talk them into visiting neighboring hashes or going to regional, national, and international events . . . they won't fully appreciate what a wonderful thing hashing is until they do.

Hmmm . . . I was also going to quit drinking at the hash, but I know better than to make resolutions I won't keep!

On-On,

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